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Видишь, Джо, почему родители
говорили тебе не прыгать на кровати!
2
00:00:21,279 --> 00:00:23,354
Сезон 3, серия 3
Та, с вареньем.
3
00:00:23,454 --> 00:00:26,454
Русские субтитры:
Dais 2010
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00:01:08,991 --> 00:01:12,157
Эй, гляньте на меня!
Я варю варенье!
5
00:01:12,288 --> 00:01:16,316
- Встала аж в 4 утра.
- А где же ты взяла фрукты в 4 утра?
6
00:01:16,447 --> 00:01:19,729
В доках.
Там ночью привозная распродажа.
7
00:01:19,999 --> 00:01:23,023
Я даже не знала, что есть доки.
8
00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:26,618
Эй, она сломана?
9
00:01:26,779 --> 00:01:29,381
Нет, но придётся это поносить
пару недель.
10
00:01:29,568 --> 00:01:33,082
Ты сказал доктору, что
упал, прыгая на кровати?
11
00:01:33,183 --> 00:01:36,447
Нет. У меня была целая история,
которая была правдоподобна, но...
12
00:01:36,607 --> 00:01:38,016
...Чендлер меня продал.
13
00:01:38,112 --> 00:01:42,740
Я не думаю, что доктор купился бы
на то, что ты упал, крутя лампочку.
14
00:01:44,384 --> 00:01:46,655
Что это? Фрукты?
15
00:01:49,728 --> 00:01:51,173
Моника делает варенье.
16
00:01:51,287 --> 00:01:55,810
Варенье? Я люблю варенье!
Почему у нас никогда нет варенья?
17
00:01:55,967 --> 00:01:58,442
Потому, что детям нужнее
новые ботинки.
18
00:01:59,163 --> 00:02:03,008
Я занялась делом. Я устала от
депрессии из-за Ричарда.
19
00:02:03,103 --> 00:02:05,822
Мне нужен план.
План, чтоб забыть мужика.
20
00:02:05,952 --> 00:02:09,621
Чем бы прогнать мужика?
Вареньем!
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00:02:10,912 --> 00:02:13,352
Джоуи, стой! Оно очень горячее!
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00:02:19,679 --> 00:02:22,289
Это будет моя кастрюля.
23
00:02:38,911 --> 00:02:39,960
Так, всё.
24
00:02:40,064 --> 00:02:41,671
Эй ты, шпионский парниша.
25
00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:43,486
Почему ты преследуешь меня?
26
00:02:43,583 --> 00:02:46,087
Всю неделю, куда я только посмотрю,
там ты.
27
00:02:46,272 --> 00:02:49,503
Ты не отвечаешь на мои звонки.
Возвращаешь мои письма.
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00:02:49,631 --> 00:02:52,136
Дай мне ещё шанс, Урсула.
Пожалуйста.
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00:02:55,264 --> 00:02:56,543
Как неловко.
30
00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:02,684
Да, ведь тебе нужна Урсула,
а я Фиби. Близняшки.
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00:03:03,263 --> 00:03:04,870
Серьёзно.
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00:03:06,111 --> 00:03:08,415
Отлично.
Я преследую не ту женщину.
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00:03:08,608 --> 00:03:10,880
Я такой тупой!
34
00:03:11,199 --> 00:03:13,186
О, ты не тупой.
35
00:03:13,279 --> 00:03:16,994
Просто, чтоб ты знала,
я не был таким всегда.
36
00:03:17,088 --> 00:03:22,878
Перед тем, как повстречал твою сестру,
я был нормальным парнем, продавал мобилки.
37
00:03:23,167 --> 00:03:25,820
Слушай, это не твоя вина.
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00:03:25,951 --> 00:03:30,099
В смысле, она так всегда
поступает с парнями, ясно?
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00:03:31,167 --> 00:03:32,512
Ну, спасибо.
40
00:03:32,704 --> 00:03:35,338
Погоди, я хочу кое-что рассказать тебе.
41
00:03:35,711 --> 00:03:39,406
Однажды, в начальной школе,
я думала, что я ведьма.
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00:03:39,580 --> 00:03:44,038
И один парень из старшего класса
сказал мне то, что может помочь и тебе.
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00:03:44,128 --> 00:03:47,973
Он сказал: Так, ты не ведьма.
Ты простая ученица.
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00:03:49,087 --> 00:03:52,221
- Понимаешь, что я хочу сказать?
- Не совсем.
45
00:03:52,959 --> 00:03:55,169
Ну, забудь её.
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00:03:57,023 --> 00:04:00,787
Ты, похоже, на самом деле
хороший парень.
47
00:04:01,431 --> 00:04:03,671
Не надо так себя корить, ладно?
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00:04:03,871 --> 00:04:08,365
Ты права. Я знаю, ты права.
Спасибо, что ты так добра ко мне.
49
00:04:10,591 --> 00:04:12,518
Спасибо большое.
50
00:04:12,767 --> 00:04:14,942
Хочешь выпить чашечку кофе?
51
00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:22,129
Тебе больше не надо
ходить за мной сзади.
52
00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:30,841
" Ушла за банками. Приду позже.
Моника Геллер ".
53
00:04:31,647 --> 00:04:34,402
Погоди ка минутку. Смотри!
54
00:04:35,264 --> 00:04:37,535
Это же пустая квартира.
55
00:04:37,663 --> 00:04:41,197
Мы одни в пустой квартире.
56
00:04:41,759 --> 00:04:44,448
Дорогой, мне нужно на работу
через 10 минут.
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00:04:44,927 --> 00:04:50,120
Ну и пусть. Я же не лучший работник
года в любом случае.
58
00:04:53,983 --> 00:04:55,196
Вот оно!
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00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:57,905
Ах, вот ты про что.
60
00:05:00,127 --> 00:05:01,609
Я толстый?
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00:05:01,888 --> 00:05:03,233
Нет.
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00:05:04,223 --> 00:05:05,237
Я согласен с этим.
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00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:10,679
Когда Дженис меня спросила, я сказал нет,
она подумала, что я обозвал её коровой.
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00:05:10,847 --> 00:05:14,062
Расскажи как это было, дорогой.
Расскажи как это было.
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00:05:14,175 --> 00:05:20,130
Дженис сказала: Привет, я не выгляжу
толстой сегодня? Я посмотрел на неё...
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00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:22,738
Ты посмотрел на неё?
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00:05:24,767 --> 00:05:26,744
Никогда не смотри.
68
00:05:27,135 --> 00:05:32,029
Просто отвечай. Это как рефлекс.
Я толстая? - Нет.
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00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:36,808
Она приятнее меня?
Нет.
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00:05:37,408 --> 00:05:38,784
- Важен ли размер?
- Нет.
71
00:05:38,943 --> 00:05:41,885
И это работает
в обоих направлениях.
72
00:05:43,027 --> 00:05:46,427
А откуда вы оба
узнали об этом?
73
00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:50,756
После 30 или 40 ссор,
начинаешь улавливать.
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00:05:51,199 --> 00:05:53,055
Ладно. Допустим, пример:
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00:05:53,215 --> 00:05:57,341
Дженис возвращается из поездки.
У тебя есть два варианта:
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00:05:57,439 --> 00:06:00,670
Вариант первый: Она поедет на такси
домой из аэропорта.
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00:06:00,799 --> 00:06:04,315
Вариант второй: Ты можешь встретить её
на выдаче багажа. Что ты сделаешь?
78
00:06:04,415 --> 00:06:05,497
Легко. Возле багажа.
79
00:06:05,663 --> 00:06:07,819
Неверно! Теперь ты одинок.
80
00:06:09,855 --> 00:06:12,924
Есть тайный вариант
номер три.
81
00:06:13,119 --> 00:06:17,183
Встретить её возле выхода с самолёта.
Так она будет знать, что ты её любишь.
82
00:06:17,343 --> 00:06:18,652
Ладно. Это здорово.
83
00:06:18,847 --> 00:06:22,394
Хорошо, вот случай:
Дженис любит обнять меня...
84
00:06:22,495 --> 00:06:24,962
...ночью, и я совсем не против.
85
00:06:25,183 --> 00:06:28,966
Но когда хочешь выспаться, то тебе
необходимо немного места.
86
00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:31,456
Вот как мне сказать ей без...
87
00:06:31,647 --> 00:06:35,013
...понимаете, чтобы нечаянно не назвать
её жирной или что-то в этом роде?
88
00:06:35,135 --> 00:06:40,092
Извини, дорогой. Тут мы тебе помочь
не сможем. Мы спим в обнимку.
89
00:06:40,703 --> 00:06:42,330
Я опаздываю на работу.
90
00:06:42,463 --> 00:06:45,946
- А вы, ребята, спуститесь вниз потом?
- Да. Я иду прямо за тобой.
91
00:06:46,047 --> 00:06:47,836
Удачи, Чендлер.
92
00:06:51,519 --> 00:06:54,094
Так, про засыпание.
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00:06:54,523 --> 00:06:57,178
Очень сложное дело,
но возможное.
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00:06:57,279 --> 00:07:00,097
А я думал, вы "спите в обнимку".
95
00:07:01,344 --> 00:07:04,631
Нет. Нет, не в обнимку.
Не я. Это она.
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00:07:04,827 --> 00:07:06,969
Ты мне нравишься.
Но мне нужно место.
97
00:07:07,167 --> 00:07:09,211
Ладно, иди сюда.
98
00:07:12,223 --> 00:07:15,045
Так. Вы в постели.
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00:07:18,879 --> 00:07:21,219
Я покажу на подушке.
100
00:07:22,395 --> 00:07:26,337
Так. Вы в постели.
Она на твоей стороне, обнимает.
101
00:07:26,495 --> 00:07:29,698
Ждёшь, пока она засопит...
102
00:07:29,855 --> 00:07:32,064
...тогда прижимаешь её...
103
00:07:32,383 --> 00:07:36,993
...и откатываешь её на её сторону
кровати.
104
00:07:37,119 --> 00:07:38,846
И тогда ты...
105
00:07:39,999 --> 00:07:42,473
...откатываешься сам.
106
00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:45,970
Объятие ей.
107
00:07:48,215 --> 00:07:50,890
Откат тебе.
108
00:07:51,499 --> 00:07:53,926
Старый метод
"прижима и отката".
109
00:07:54,079 --> 00:07:57,596
Один вопрос. Ты представлял
подушку как девушку, так?
110
00:08:01,207 --> 00:08:05,119
Помню, когда был ребёнком, мама
отправляла смотреть фильмы...
111
00:08:05,215 --> 00:08:07,970
...с банкой варенья
и маленькой ложкой.
112
00:08:10,743 --> 00:08:13,170
Ты такой красавчик.
113
00:08:19,327 --> 00:08:23,224
Эй, помните того парня, который
следил за мной? Я поговорила с ним.
114
00:08:23,327 --> 00:08:26,315
Погофофила ф ним?
Ты ф ума фофла?
115
00:08:27,807 --> 00:08:32,516
Во-первых не сошла.
И во-вторых, говори слова а не крошки.
116
00:08:32,703 --> 00:08:36,064
Вобщем, его зовут Малкольм,
и он следил не за мной.
117
00:08:36,159 --> 00:08:40,041
В смысле за мной, но он
думал, что я это Урсула.
118
00:08:41,275 --> 00:08:45,272
Вот почему он не мог просто
подойти и поговорить со мной.
119
00:08:45,503 --> 00:08:48,889
Из-за сдержанности.
120
00:08:50,239 --> 00:08:53,448
Я не завидую Малкольму.
121
00:08:53,755 --> 00:08:55,943
Нет, нет, он не дурачок.
122
00:08:56,063 --> 00:09:00,038
Он просто очень сдержанный,
невероятно романтичный парень...
123
00:09:00,159 --> 00:09:02,943
...который просто слишком
сильно всё воспринимает.
124
00:09:03,167 --> 00:09:06,517
Мы приятно пообщались с ним,
и он такой милый.
125
00:09:06,719 --> 00:09:11,591
О, боже мой! Ты втюрилась в
преследователя сестры.
126
00:09:11,703 --> 00:09:14,852
Нет. Я собираюсь его
"деУрсулизировать".
127
00:09:14,979 --> 00:09:17,979
Как я делала с Джоуи, когда
он встречался с ней.
128
00:09:18,079 --> 00:09:19,857
Я её не пгефледовал.
129
00:09:20,319 --> 00:09:23,507
Хотелось бы прогнозов,
а не сразу осадков.
130
00:09:27,007 --> 00:09:31,203
Джоуи, это тебе.
Из чёрной смородины.
131
00:09:36,767 --> 00:09:38,427
Джо, я хочу спросить.
132
00:09:38,526 --> 00:09:41,943
Девчонка с рекламы Ксерокса,
совсем голая...
133
00:09:42,239 --> 00:09:45,111
...или большое ведро варенья?
134
00:09:46,239 --> 00:09:48,833
Сложи-ка руки вместе.
135
00:09:51,743 --> 00:09:54,598
Джоуи, растягивай удовольствие.
Это последняя банка.
136
00:09:54,879 --> 00:09:56,808
Больше нет варенья?
137
00:09:57,343 --> 00:09:59,418
Что произошло с твоим
вареньевым планом?
138
00:09:59,519 --> 00:10:03,034
Я посчитала, что мне нужно брать
по 17$ за банку, чтобы выйти по-нулям.
139
00:10:03,135 --> 00:10:06,701
Так, что у меня новый план:
Дети.
140
00:10:07,455 --> 00:10:10,544
Ну, тогда тебе понадобятся
банки намного больше.
141
00:10:12,126 --> 00:10:15,390
- О чём ты говоришь?
- О том, что я заведу ребёнка.
142
00:10:15,487 --> 00:10:17,758
- Ты серьёзно?
- Да.
143
00:10:17,886 --> 00:10:21,085
План варенья помог мне
взять мою жизнь под контроль.
144
00:10:21,183 --> 00:10:24,130
Вот я и подумала: Что мне
в жизни всего важнее?
145
00:10:24,223 --> 00:10:27,170
И тогда я придумала
план с детьми.
146
00:10:27,263 --> 00:10:29,997
А ты ничего не забыла?
147
00:10:30,143 --> 00:10:33,694
Как там его звали?
Папа!
148
00:10:34,523 --> 00:10:38,105
У меня ушло 28 лет, чтобы найти
достойного мужчину моей жизни.
149
00:10:38,207 --> 00:10:42,235
Если понадобится ещё 28 лет, то мне
будет 56, когда я рожу ребёнка.
150
00:10:42,335 --> 00:10:44,824
А это глупо.
151
00:10:45,503 --> 00:10:48,092
Ах, вот что глупо?
152
00:10:49,343 --> 00:10:54,571
Мне не нужен конкретный мужчина.
Только пара его лучших пловцов.
153
00:10:54,847 --> 00:10:58,078
И есть места, где можно
взять такую ... вещь.
154
00:10:58,175 --> 00:11:00,684
Опять где-то в доках?
155
00:11:09,887 --> 00:11:12,876
Спокойной ночи, Бингелинг.
156
00:11:13,983 --> 00:11:15,844
Спокойной ночи...
157
00:11:16,287 --> 00:11:17,732
...Дженис.
158
00:11:21,307 --> 00:11:23,996
Только глянь сколько места
на её стороне!
159
00:11:24,063 --> 00:11:27,638
Туда можно положить
гигантского пингвина.
160
00:11:28,159 --> 00:11:30,103
Вот уж было бы чудаковато.
161
00:11:31,099 --> 00:11:32,641
Время "прижатия и отката".
162
00:11:32,735 --> 00:11:35,071
Я прижимаю. Прижимаю.
163
00:11:35,199 --> 00:11:37,835
Ты откатилась, и ...
164
00:11:38,079 --> 00:11:39,873
Да! Свобода!
165
00:11:40,287 --> 00:11:42,575
Только рука!
166
00:11:42,783 --> 00:11:45,254
Застряла. Застряла рука.
167
00:11:46,427 --> 00:11:49,823
Время старого трюка со скатертью.
Одно молниеностное движение.
168
00:11:49,919 --> 00:11:51,777
Быстр как кот.
169
00:11:51,875 --> 00:11:54,230
И раз, два ...
170
00:11:54,746 --> 00:11:56,357
...три!
171
00:12:03,134 --> 00:12:04,990
Вот мой бинокль.
172
00:12:05,119 --> 00:12:07,608
О, прекрасно.
У тебя прекрасно получается.
173
00:12:07,775 --> 00:12:10,550
Ты сильный. Давай дальше.
174
00:12:10,975 --> 00:12:13,713
Это мой прибор ночного видения.
175
00:12:13,919 --> 00:12:18,164
Это книга, которую я якобы читал,
когда следил за ней в парке.
176
00:12:18,335 --> 00:12:22,184
А это кроссворды.
Просто убить время.
177
00:12:23,999 --> 00:12:28,329
Это дневник, который я вёл,
записывая каждое её движение.
178
00:12:28,511 --> 00:12:30,204
Хочешь послушать кое-что?
179
00:12:30,303 --> 00:12:32,626
Нет, ни грамма.
180
00:12:33,375 --> 00:12:34,523
Там про тебя.
181
00:12:34,623 --> 00:12:37,216
Тогда ладно.
182
00:12:41,182 --> 00:12:43,206
Я встретил Фиби сегодня.
183
00:12:43,423 --> 00:12:47,490
Она была ко мне очень добра,
даже зная, какой я неудачник.
184
00:12:47,615 --> 00:12:50,562
А потом я пошёл домой,
и много думал о ней.
185
00:12:50,719 --> 00:12:54,221
Было странно, но как-то классно.
186
00:12:54,719 --> 00:12:56,101
Хорошо.
187
00:12:57,050 --> 00:12:59,673
И о чём же ты думал?
188
00:12:59,795 --> 00:13:02,682
Я думал, как бы это было,
если поцеловать тебя.
189
00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:04,957
- Правда?
- Нет.
190
00:13:07,063 --> 00:13:11,010
Это я просто сейчас сказал,
чтобы, может, я смог бы тебя поцеловать.
191
00:13:11,198 --> 00:13:12,576
О, ладно.
192
00:13:18,522 --> 00:13:21,875
Нет, спасибо.
Я только что съел банку горчицы.
193
00:13:22,718 --> 00:13:28,340
Так, донор спермы номер 03815,
выходит на сцену!
194
00:13:28,603 --> 00:13:30,494
Так, рост 188, 76 килограммов.
195
00:13:30,623 --> 00:13:33,657
Описывает себя, как
мужчина - Джина Дейвис.
196
00:13:33,759 --> 00:13:36,746
То есть, я не один такой?
197
00:13:37,407 --> 00:13:40,638
Нельзя так, Мон.
Если ты сделаешь это, то я...
198
00:13:40,799 --> 00:13:43,887
- Что ты?
- Я расскажу маме.
199
00:13:44,186 --> 00:13:48,098
Извини, но он прав.
Я люблю тебя, но ты свихнулась.
200
00:13:48,159 --> 00:13:50,914
Почему? Почему это я свихнулась?
201
00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:53,528
- Да, это не идеальный способ.
- О, нет.
202
00:13:53,727 --> 00:13:55,518
Губы двигаются.
Я ещё говорю.
203
00:13:56,607 --> 00:13:58,649
Может и не идеальный, но...
204
00:13:58,846 --> 00:14:00,937
...я уже очень готова.
205
00:14:01,087 --> 00:14:03,559
Я вижу, как Бен
смотрит на тебя.
206
00:14:03,742 --> 00:14:06,244
Мне аж больно становится, знаешь?
207
00:14:06,495 --> 00:14:10,517
Зацените! Вареничные крекеры!
208
00:14:12,479 --> 00:14:14,752
Ладно. Как насчёт этого?
209
00:14:14,847 --> 00:14:17,598
27, американский итальянец.
210
00:14:17,727 --> 00:14:19,454
Он актёр.
211
00:14:19,519 --> 00:14:21,211
Родился в Квинсе.
212
00:14:21,374 --> 00:14:25,240
Ух ты! Большая семья.
Семь сестёр...
213
00:14:25,343 --> 00:14:28,950
...а он единственный... мальчик.
214
00:14:31,319 --> 00:14:35,167
О, боже мой! Личное примечание:
Нью-Йорк Никс рулят!
215
00:14:35,266 --> 00:14:37,728
Да, Никс рулят!
216
00:14:40,478 --> 00:14:42,600
Джоуи, это же ты!
217
00:14:42,943 --> 00:14:44,921
Дай посмотреть.
218
00:14:46,394 --> 00:14:48,074
О, точно!
219
00:14:48,795 --> 00:14:50,620
Ты ходил в банк спермы?
220
00:14:50,719 --> 00:14:53,502
Сразу после полового курса
в Нью-Йоркском Универе.
221
00:14:53,599 --> 00:14:56,157
Помнишь свитер, я тебе давал
на день рождения?
222
00:14:56,286 --> 00:14:59,059
Вот как ты его купил?
223
00:14:59,259 --> 00:15:02,994
Нет. Я его одевал,
когда донорствовал.
224
00:15:05,407 --> 00:15:08,976
Я удивлён, что кто-то из
моих парней ещё остался.
225
00:15:09,022 --> 00:15:12,997
Тут довольно широкий выбор.
Вот учёный ракетчик.
226
00:15:13,055 --> 00:15:17,184
Может, надо им сказать про
моё участие в Днях наших жизней.
227
00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:20,833
Добавить вкуса чуточку.
228
00:15:22,206 --> 00:15:24,097
Как с маньяком?
229
00:15:24,286 --> 00:15:27,508
Он вкусный.
Мы немного целовались.
230
00:15:28,063 --> 00:15:29,985
Фиби, что ты творишь?
231
00:15:30,079 --> 00:15:34,935
Нет, нет. Он больше не занимается этим.
Бросил ради меня.
232
00:15:35,194 --> 00:15:39,717
Фибс, этот парниша был одержим твоей
сестрой бог знает сколько.
233
00:15:39,842 --> 00:15:42,595
Такие вещи не бросают легко.
234
00:15:42,719 --> 00:15:46,318
Он отдал мне свой прибор ночного
видения и всё остальное.
235
00:15:46,587 --> 00:15:50,683
Ты веришь слову человека, имеющего
прибор ночного видения?
236
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:54,494
Он её больше не преследует.
Думаете, ещё преследует?
237
00:15:54,623 --> 00:15:58,625
Фибс. Проснись и почувствуй
запах сдержанности.
238
00:15:59,423 --> 00:16:00,733
Что же мне делать?
239
00:16:00,926 --> 00:16:04,174
Если он тебе очень нравится,
то ты должна верить ему.
240
00:16:04,298 --> 00:16:05,792
Спасибо, Моника.
241
00:16:05,947 --> 00:16:08,135
Или ты можешь проследить за ним
и узнать куда он ходит.
242
00:16:08,163 --> 00:16:11,735
Вот это бы я сделала.
Забудь что я говорила.
243
00:16:13,662 --> 00:16:14,973
Боже... Что случилось?
244
00:16:15,103 --> 00:16:17,439
Дурной Чендлер сбросил меня...
245
00:16:17,567 --> 00:16:19,194
...с кровати.
246
00:16:19,391 --> 00:16:22,676
Ух ты! Сбросил!
Звучит весело.
247
00:16:24,027 --> 00:16:25,536
Да уж.
248
00:16:25,663 --> 00:16:31,178
Просто он пробовал Россов
приём "прижал и откатил".
249
00:16:32,639 --> 00:16:34,015
Россов что?
250
00:16:34,110 --> 00:16:38,339
Ну когда он тебя прижимает,
а потом откатывает тебя, и...
251
00:16:40,830 --> 00:16:44,294
О... боже... мой!
252
00:17:19,838 --> 00:17:21,020
Что ты делаешь?
253
00:17:21,246 --> 00:17:24,381
А! Я тут просто ищу свой...
свой...
254
00:17:24,511 --> 00:17:27,516
Старый кусок сендвича.
Вот он!
255
00:17:29,246 --> 00:17:31,339
Ты следила за мной?
256
00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:33,495
Возможно.
257
00:17:34,267 --> 00:17:36,321
Да. Извини.
258
00:17:36,447 --> 00:17:39,481
Я боялась, что до сих пор
преследуешь мою сестру.
259
00:17:39,583 --> 00:17:42,138
Значит, ты шпионила за мной.
260
00:17:42,303 --> 00:17:45,510
Не могу поверить,
что ты мне не доверяешь.
261
00:17:49,650 --> 00:17:54,207
Опа, кто бы мог подумать?
А вот идёт моя однояйцевая сестра-близнец!
262
00:17:54,366 --> 00:17:57,954
Просто прогуливается вся такая,
похожая на меня.
263
00:17:58,338 --> 00:18:02,335
Это что, чудесное совпадение, или
ты знал, что она едет этим поездом?
264
00:18:02,526 --> 00:18:04,682
Извини. Извини.
265
00:18:04,799 --> 00:18:07,501
Я пытался остановиться,
но не смог.
266
00:18:07,742 --> 00:18:09,435
Я такой жалкий.
267
00:18:09,566 --> 00:18:13,508
Нет, это не твоя вина.
Отчасти, это и моя вина.
268
00:18:13,662 --> 00:18:17,351
Я заставила тебя бросить
слишком резко.
269
00:18:17,498 --> 00:18:21,179
Ну, я не могу с тобой больше
встречаться из-за твоего, ну знаешь...
270
00:18:21,311 --> 00:18:22,756
Ух ты!
271
00:18:24,378 --> 00:18:29,139
Но я обязательно тебе помогу
забыть мою сестру. Ладно?
272
00:18:29,278 --> 00:18:32,817
Последи пока за мной немного, а?
273
00:18:33,402 --> 00:18:36,575
Я буду типа Урсуловым пластырем.
274
00:18:36,831 --> 00:18:38,011
Не знаю.
275
00:18:38,143 --> 00:18:40,881
Да... Просто...
Смотри, я иду!
276
00:18:41,086 --> 00:18:42,828
Давай.
277
00:18:43,262 --> 00:18:47,097
Я за колонной.
Куда же я пойду?
278
00:18:49,630 --> 00:18:51,972
- Куда идёшь?
- В банк.
279
00:18:52,127 --> 00:18:53,985
Спермы или простой?
280
00:18:55,167 --> 00:18:56,596
Спермы.
281
00:18:56,731 --> 00:18:58,207
Ты серьёзно пошла на это?
282
00:18:58,366 --> 00:19:01,383
О, да. Я выбрала парня.
37135.
283
00:19:01,562 --> 00:19:03,006
Звучит красиво.
284
00:19:03,103 --> 00:19:05,986
Да уж. У него каштановые
волосы и зелёные глаза.
285
00:19:06,046 --> 00:19:07,588
Кроме шуток?
286
00:19:08,699 --> 00:19:10,821
Я думал ты выберешь блондина.
287
00:19:11,231 --> 00:19:13,060
Правда? Почему?
288
00:19:13,178 --> 00:19:18,048
Я всегда представлял тебя с высоким,
умным парнем-блондином и его зовут...
289
00:19:18,142 --> 00:19:19,691
...Хойт.
290
00:19:21,262 --> 00:19:24,040
- Хойт?
- Такое, вот, имя.
291
00:19:24,410 --> 00:19:29,040
Я представлял тебя в большом
доме с большим бассейном.
292
00:19:29,279 --> 00:19:31,373
А он пловец?
293
00:19:31,610 --> 00:19:33,739
У него тело как раз для этого.
294
00:19:34,302 --> 00:19:36,109
Мне нравится.
295
00:19:38,367 --> 00:19:39,415
Что?
296
00:19:39,583 --> 00:19:41,557
И там стоит табличка с надписью:
297
00:19:41,690 --> 00:19:44,858
Мы не плаваем в вашем унитазе,
Так не ссыте в наш бассейн.
298
00:19:44,991 --> 00:19:46,652
У нас нет такой таблички.
299
00:19:46,718 --> 00:19:50,180
Конечно есть!
Это же подарок от меня.
300
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:52,610
И у вас три великолепных ребёнка.
301
00:19:52,767 --> 00:19:55,592
Две девочки и мальчик?
302
00:19:55,990 --> 00:20:00,414
И они носят маленькие плавательные
нарукавники и бегают вокруг.
303
00:20:00,510 --> 00:20:03,261
А Хойт накрывает их полотенцем
сразу всех троих.
304
00:20:03,358 --> 00:20:05,007
Конечно.
305
00:20:10,299 --> 00:20:13,746
Но, знаешь, твой
способ тоже хорош.
306
00:20:14,943 --> 00:20:16,055
Да.
307
00:20:28,158 --> 00:20:30,829
Ух ты! Этот парень астронавт?
308
00:20:31,934 --> 00:20:34,409
Вот кто, наверное классно...
309
00:20:34,622 --> 00:20:36,616
...нет, пожалуй.
310
00:20:43,291 --> 00:20:44,920
Я звонил в банк спермы.
311
00:20:45,054 --> 00:20:48,222
Они не продали ни одного
образца Трибиани.
312
00:20:48,478 --> 00:20:51,104
Никто не хочет мой продукт.
313
00:20:51,998 --> 00:20:53,953
Не понимаю.
314
00:21:00,094 --> 00:21:02,782
Может, если бы они встретили бы
меня вживую.
315
00:21:03,742 --> 00:21:06,003
У тебя немного на...
316
00:21:09,790 --> 00:21:10,839
Всё?
317
00:21:11,902 --> 00:21:13,182
Да.
318
00:21:15,102 --> 00:21:16,747
Здравствуйте.
319
00:21:18,014 --> 00:21:19,594
Здравствуй.
320
00:21:27,130 --> 00:21:29,599
Чен, можно поговорить
с тобой секундочку?
321
00:21:29,694 --> 00:21:31,536
Конечно. Что такое?
322
00:21:31,770 --> 00:21:34,720
Ещё один совет по взаимоотношениям.
323
00:21:34,814 --> 00:21:37,649
Кое-что, с чем ты уже,
возможно, знаком.
324
00:21:37,790 --> 00:21:40,152
Женщины разговаривают.
|
1
00:00:12,300 --> 00:00:16,200
See, Joe, that's why your parents
told you not to jump on the bed!
2
00:00:18,300 --> 00:00:23,000
The One With the Jam
3
00:00:27,900 --> 00:00:42,900
Sync with <font color="ff0000">BoB.720p</font>
Version By
<font color="#3b5998">.: TvWorld.ir
:.</font>
4
00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:07,500
Hey, look at me!
I'm making jam!
5
00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:11,600
- I've been at it since 4 a. m.
- Where'd you get fruit at 4 a. m. ?
6
00:01:11,900 --> 00:01:14,600
Went down to the docks. Betcha
didn't know you can get it wholesale.
7
00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:17,100
I didn't know there were docks.
8
00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:20,600
- Hey.
- Hey.
9
00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:22,000
Is it broken?
10
00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:24,500
No, but I gotta wear this
for a couple weeks.
11
00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:27,800
Did you tell the doctor you did it
jumping up and down on your bed?
12
00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:31,700
No. I had a whole story
worked out, but then...
13
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:33,300
... Chandler sold me out.
14
00:01:33,500 --> 00:01:35,900
I'm sorry, Joe. I didn't think
the doctor was gonna buy...
15
00:01:36,100 --> 00:01:38,600
... that it just fell out of the socket.
16
00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:41,900
What is this? Fruit?
17
00:01:45,100 --> 00:01:46,300
Monica's making jam.
18
00:01:46,500 --> 00:01:51,000
Oh, jam? I love jam! Hey, how come
we never have jam at our place?
19
00:01:51,300 --> 00:01:53,300
Because the kids need new shoes.
20
00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:58,200
I'm going into business. I'm sick and
tired of being depressed about Richard.
21
00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:01,000
I needed a plan.
A plan to get over my man.
22
00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:04,100
What's the opposite of man? Jam!
23
00:02:06,100 --> 00:02:08,200
Oh, Joey, don't! It's way too hot!
24
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:16,900
This'll just be my batch.
25
00:02:34,100 --> 00:02:35,100
That's it. No.
26
00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:36,700
Hey, you, J. Crew guy...
27
00:02:36,900 --> 00:02:38,700
Why have you been following me?
28
00:02:38,900 --> 00:02:41,000
All week long,
everywhere I look, there's you.
29
00:02:41,500 --> 00:02:42,800
You wouldn't return my calls.
30
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:44,600
- You sent back my letters.
- What?
31
00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:47,000
One more chance, Ursula. Please.
32
00:02:50,500 --> 00:02:51,600
Oh, well, this is awkward.
33
00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:57,000
Yeah, because you want Ursula,
and I'm Phoebe. Twin sisters.
34
00:02:58,300 --> 00:02:59,800
Seriously.
35
00:03:01,300 --> 00:03:03,500
That's great.
I'm stalking the wrong woman.
36
00:03:03,700 --> 00:03:05,800
I am such a dingus!
37
00:03:06,300 --> 00:03:08,200
Oh, you're not a dingus.
38
00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:12,000
I just want you to know
I didn't used to be like this.
39
00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:14,500
Before I met your sister,
I was like this normal guy...
40
00:03:14,700 --> 00:03:16,400
... who sold beepers
and cellular phones.
41
00:03:18,300 --> 00:03:20,700
I mean, look,
it's not your fault, you know.
42
00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:25,400
I mean, this is just what she
does to guys, okay? So just...
43
00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:27,400
Well, thanks.
44
00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:30,100
Wait. You know what?
I got a little story.
45
00:03:30,900 --> 00:03:34,500
When I was in junior high, I went through
a period where I thought I was a witch.
46
00:03:34,700 --> 00:03:36,500
And there was this guidance
counselor who...
47
00:03:36,700 --> 00:03:38,900
... said something that
I think will help you a lot.
48
00:03:39,100 --> 00:03:43,300
He said, "Okay, you're not a witch.
You're just an average student. "
49
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,900
- See what I'm saying?
- Not really.
50
00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:49,300
Well, get over it.
51
00:03:51,500 --> 00:03:56,500
So... I mean, you just, you seem like
a really nice guy. You know, and just...
52
00:03:56,700 --> 00:03:58,700
Don't be so hard on yourself, okay?
53
00:03:58,900 --> 00:04:02,900
You're right. I know you're right.
And thanks for being so nice.
54
00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:05,100
Here.
55
00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:07,100
Thanks a lot.
56
00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:09,200
Do you want to get a cup of coffee?
57
00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:11,600
- Yeah, okay.
- Okay.
58
00:04:13,900 --> 00:04:16,400
You don't have
to walk behind me anymore.
59
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:20,700
- Mon?
- Mon?
60
00:04:21,900 --> 00:04:25,100
"Gone for more jars. Back later.
Monica Geller. "
61
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,300
- Wait a minute. Look!
- What?
62
00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:30,100
- Look. Look. Look.
- What? What? What?
63
00:04:30,300 --> 00:04:32,400
It's an empty apartment.
64
00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:35,500
We're all alone
in an empty apartment.
65
00:04:35,700 --> 00:04:39,100
Oh, honey, come on. I have
to be at work in, like, ten minutes.
66
00:04:39,900 --> 00:04:43,900
All right. Well, it's not like
I'm employee of the year or anything.
67
00:04:48,900 --> 00:04:49,900
There it is!
68
00:04:50,100 --> 00:04:52,000
Oh, that's what you're talking about.
69
00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:54,200
- Hey.
- Hey.
70
00:04:54,900 --> 00:04:55,900
Do I look fat?
71
00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:57,900
- No.
- No.
72
00:04:58,100 --> 00:05:00,000
Okay. I accept that.
73
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,900
When Janice asked me and I said no,
she took that to mean...
74
00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:05,300
... that I was calling her a cow.
75
00:05:05,500 --> 00:05:08,800
Okay. Walk us through it, honey.
Walk us through it.
76
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:13,400
Okay, well, Janice said, "Hi. Do I look
fat today?" And I looked at her...
77
00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:17,000
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. You looked at her?
78
00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:20,800
You never look.
79
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:25,900
You just answer. It's like a reflex.
"Do I look fat?" "No. "
80
00:05:28,300 --> 00:05:31,100
"Is she prettier than I am?"
"No. "
81
00:05:32,300 --> 00:05:33,200
- Does size matter?
- No!
82
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,100
And it works both ways.
83
00:05:38,100 --> 00:05:41,100
Okay, so you both
just know this stuff?
84
00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:44,500
You know, after about 30 or 40 fights,
you kind of catch on.
85
00:05:45,900 --> 00:05:47,300
Okay. For instance:
86
00:05:47,500 --> 00:05:52,000
Let's say, Janice is coming back from
a trip and she gives you two options.
87
00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:54,900
Option number one: She'll take
a cab home from the airport.
88
00:05:55,100 --> 00:05:58,900
Or option two: You can meet her
at baggage claim. What do you do?
89
00:05:59,100 --> 00:06:02,100
- That's easy. Baggage claim.
- Wrong! Now you're single.
90
00:06:04,300 --> 00:06:07,400
It's actually secret
option number three.
91
00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:11,000
You meet her at the gate.
That way she knows you love her.
92
00:06:12,100 --> 00:06:13,100
Okay, this is good.
93
00:06:13,300 --> 00:06:17,000
All right, listen. I have one.
Janice likes to cuddle...
94
00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:19,500
... at night,
which I'm all for.
95
00:06:19,700 --> 00:06:23,100
But when you want to go to sleep,
you want some space.
96
00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:26,100
So how do I tell her that without...
97
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:29,300
... you know, accidentally
calling her fat or something?
98
00:06:29,700 --> 00:06:33,900
Oh, honey. I'm sorry. We can't help you
there, because we're cuddly sleepers.
99
00:06:35,300 --> 00:06:38,600
Okay. I'm late for work. All right.
Are you guys going to come down?
100
00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:41,700
- Yeah. I'm right behind you.
- Okay. Good luck, Chandler.
101
00:06:41,900 --> 00:06:43,100
- Thank you.
- Bye, sweetie.
102
00:06:43,300 --> 00:06:44,400
Bye, honey.
103
00:06:46,100 --> 00:06:48,500
Okay, the sleeping thing.
104
00:06:49,100 --> 00:06:51,600
Very tricky business,
but there is something you can do.
105
00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:55,000
- I thought you were "cuddly sleepers. "
- No.
106
00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:59,200
No. Not cuddly.
Not me. Just her.
107
00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:01,500
I'm like you.
I need the room.
108
00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:03,000
Okay, come here.
109
00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:10,100
- Okay. You're in bed.
- Yeah.
110
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:15,700
- I'm gonna use the cushion.
- Yeah.
111
00:07:17,100 --> 00:07:20,800
Okay. You're in bed.
She's over on your side, cuddling.
112
00:07:21,100 --> 00:07:23,900
Now, you wait for her to drift off...
113
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:26,300
... and then you hug her...
114
00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:31,300
... and roll her over
to her side of the bed.
115
00:07:31,700 --> 00:07:33,200
And then you...
116
00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:36,500
... roll away.
117
00:07:38,300 --> 00:07:39,900
Hug for her.
118
00:07:42,900 --> 00:07:44,900
Roll for you.
119
00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:48,000
Okay. The old "hug and roll. "
120
00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:50,200
- Okay. One question.
- Shoot.
121
00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:53,000
You're pretending
the pillow's a girl, right?
122
00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:59,700
Remember when you were a kid and your
mom would drop you off at the movies...
123
00:07:59,900 --> 00:08:03,000
... with a jar of jam
and a little spoon?
124
00:08:05,300 --> 00:08:07,100
You're so pretty.
125
00:08:12,900 --> 00:08:14,600
- Hi!
- Hey, Phoebe!
126
00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:18,500
Hey, you know that guy who's been
following me? I talked to him today.
127
00:08:18,700 --> 00:08:20,300
You talked to him?
128
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,600
Are you crazy?
129
00:08:23,300 --> 00:08:26,800
Okay. First, I'm not crazy.
And second, say it, don't spray it.
130
00:08:28,100 --> 00:08:31,400
Anyway, his name is Malcolm,
and he wasn't following me.
131
00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:34,300
I mean, he was, but just
because he thought I was Ursula.
132
00:08:36,700 --> 00:08:40,000
That's why he couldn't just
come up and talk to me.
133
00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:43,500
Because of the restraining order.
134
00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:47,500
Not feeling better about Malcolm.
135
00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:51,100
No, no, no. He's not a kook.
136
00:08:51,300 --> 00:08:55,000
He's just this, like, very passionate,
incredibly romantic guy...
137
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:57,800
... that just got, like, a teensy bit
carried away, you know.
138
00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:01,100
And we just get along really well,
and he is so cute.
139
00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:07,000
Oh, my God! You've got a crush
on your sister's stalker.
140
00:09:07,300 --> 00:09:10,100
I'm just going to help him.
You know. Get de-Ursula-ized.
141
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:13,100
Like, you know. Like I did for Joey
after he went out with her.
142
00:09:13,300 --> 00:09:14,500
I didn't stalk her, I mean...
143
00:09:15,700 --> 00:09:19,000
- I asked for the news, not the weather.
- Sorry.
144
00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:22,000
- Hey, guys.
- Hey, Mon.
145
00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:25,400
Joey, this is for you.
It's blackberry currant.
146
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:33,600
Joe, I got to ask.
147
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:36,500
The girl from the Xerox place,
buck naked...
148
00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:39,500
... or a big tub of jam?
149
00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,000
Put your hands together.
150
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:49,300
Joey, take your time with that.
That's my last batch.
151
00:09:50,100 --> 00:09:51,500
No more jam?
152
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:54,500
Well, what happened
to your jam plan?
153
00:09:54,700 --> 00:09:58,100
I figured out I'd need to charge
17 bucks a jar just to break even.
154
00:09:58,300 --> 00:10:01,400
So I've got a new plan now.
Babies.
155
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:04,900
Well, you're gonna
need much bigger jars.
156
00:10:07,100 --> 00:10:10,400
- What are you talking about?
- I'm talking about me having a baby.
157
00:10:10,700 --> 00:10:12,800
- Are you serious?
- Yeah.
158
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:16,300
The great thing about the jam plan
was I was taking control of my life.
159
00:10:16,500 --> 00:10:20,000
So I asked myself, "What is the most
important thing to me in the world?"
160
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:22,200
And that's when I came up
with the baby plan.
161
00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:24,700
Aren't you forgetting something?
162
00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:27,900
What is that guy's name?
Dad!
163
00:10:29,700 --> 00:10:33,100
It took me 28 years to find one man
that I wanted to spend my life with.
164
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:37,200
If I have to wait another 28 years,
then I'll be 56 before I can have a baby.
165
00:10:37,500 --> 00:10:39,200
And that's just stupid.
166
00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:42,700
That's what's stupid?
167
00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:49,200
I don't need an actual man.
Just a couple of his best swimmers.
168
00:10:49,700 --> 00:10:53,000
And there are places that
you can go to get that stuff.
169
00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:55,200
Down to the docks again?
170
00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:07,400
Night-night, Bing-a-ling.
171
00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:10,300
Night-night...
172
00:11:11,100 --> 00:11:12,300
... Janice.
173
00:11:15,900 --> 00:11:19,000
Look at all that room on her side!
174
00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:21,000
You could fit a giant
penguin over there.
175
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,200
That'd be weird, though.
176
00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:27,300
Hug and roll time.
177
00:11:27,500 --> 00:11:29,700
I'm hugging. I'm hugging.
178
00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:32,200
You're rolling, and...
179
00:11:32,900 --> 00:11:34,300
Yes! Freedom!
180
00:11:35,100 --> 00:11:36,900
Except for this arm!
181
00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:40,400
I'm stuck. Stuck arm.
182
00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:44,600
Okay. Time for the old tablecloth
trick. One fluid motion.
183
00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:46,700
Quick like a cat. Quick like a cat.
184
00:11:46,900 --> 00:11:49,600
And one, two...
185
00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:51,600
... three!
186
00:11:57,900 --> 00:11:59,600
Here's my binoculars.
187
00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:04,400
Great. You're doing great, you know.
Real strong. Going strong. Keep going.
188
00:12:05,700 --> 00:12:07,800
These are my night-vision goggles.
189
00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:12,200
This is the book I pretend to read
when I'm watching her in the park.
190
00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:17,100
And these are Mad Libs.
They're just for fun.
191
00:12:17,300 --> 00:12:18,800
What's this?
192
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:22,800
This is the log I kept,
recording her every movement.
193
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:24,800
You want to hear something from it?
194
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:26,800
Not even a little bit.
195
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:29,000
It's about you.
196
00:12:29,100 --> 00:12:30,800
Oh. Okay, then.
197
00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:37,500
"I met Phoebe today.
198
00:12:38,100 --> 00:12:41,800
She was really nice to me
even though I'm such a loser.
199
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:45,100
And when I was walking home,
I thought about her a lot.
200
00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:48,200
It was weird, but kind of cool. "
201
00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:50,300
Good.
202
00:12:52,100 --> 00:12:53,600
So, what were you thinking?
203
00:12:54,700 --> 00:12:57,200
I was thinking what
it'd be like to kiss you.
204
00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:58,700
- Really?
- No.
205
00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:05,200
See, that's just something I said now
so that maybe I could kiss you.
206
00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:07,600
Oh, okay.
207
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:16,200
No, it's all right.
I just had a jar of mustard.
208
00:13:17,300 --> 00:13:22,300
Okay. Sperm donor number 03815,
come on down!
209
00:13:22,900 --> 00:13:25,000
Okay, he's 6'2", 170 pounds.
210
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:28,100
And he describes himself
as a male Geena Davis.
211
00:13:28,300 --> 00:13:30,600
You mean there's
more than one of us?
212
00:13:31,900 --> 00:13:35,100
You can't do this, Mon.
All right. If you do this, I'm gonna...
213
00:13:35,300 --> 00:13:38,600
- You're gonna what?
- I'm gonna tell Mom.
214
00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:42,400
Honey, I'm sorry, but he's right.
I love you, but you're crazy.
215
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:45,100
Why? Why is this crazy?
216
00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:47,900
- So this isn't the ideal way...
- Oh, it's not the ideal... ?
217
00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:49,900
Lips moving. Still talking.
218
00:13:51,100 --> 00:13:53,000
It may not be ideal, but...
219
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:55,000
... I'm so ready.
220
00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:57,600
I see the way
Ben looks at you.
221
00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:00,600
It makes me ache, you know?
222
00:14:00,900 --> 00:14:04,400
Check it out! Jam crackers!
223
00:14:06,900 --> 00:14:09,000
Okay. All right, how's this?
224
00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:11,900
Twenty-seven, Italian-American guy.
225
00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:13,600
He's an actor.
226
00:14:13,900 --> 00:14:15,500
Born in Queens.
227
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:18,800
Wow! Big family.
Seven sisters...
228
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:23,300
... and he's the only boy.
229
00:14:25,900 --> 00:14:29,500
Oh, my God! Under personal comments:
"New York Knicks rule. "
230
00:14:29,700 --> 00:14:31,100
Yeah, the Knicks rule!
231
00:14:34,900 --> 00:14:36,800
Joey, this is you!
232
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,100
Let me see.
233
00:14:40,900 --> 00:14:42,000
Oh, right.
234
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:44,900
When did you go to a sperm bank?
235
00:14:45,100 --> 00:14:47,700
Oh, right after I did
that sex study down at NYU.
236
00:14:47,900 --> 00:14:50,400
Hey, remember that sweater
I gave you for your birthday?
237
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:53,000
And that's how you bought it?
238
00:14:53,700 --> 00:14:56,800
No. That's what I was wearing
when I donated.
239
00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:03,300
I'm kind of surprised there's
any of my boys left.
240
00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:07,200
Honey, it is pretty competitive. I mean,
I've got an actual rocket scientist here.
241
00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:09,400
Maybe I should call this place
and get them...
242
00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:11,500
... to put my Days of our Lives
gig on here.
243
00:15:11,700 --> 00:15:13,400
Juice this puppy up a little.
244
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:17,200
- Hey.
- Hey!
245
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:18,600
How's the maniac?
246
00:15:19,100 --> 00:15:21,800
He's yummy.
We did a little kissing.
247
00:15:22,700 --> 00:15:24,800
- Phoebe, what are you doing?
- Oh, no.
248
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:29,800
No. No. You know what? He's not into
that stuff anymore. He quit for me.
249
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:34,900
This guy has been obsessed with your
sister for God knows how long, okay.
250
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:37,100
You don't just give up
something like that.
251
00:15:37,300 --> 00:15:40,800
So look, he gave me his night-vision
goggles and everything. So...
252
00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:45,300
You're taking the word of a guy
who has night-vision goggles?
253
00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:49,100
What? He's not still following her.
You think he's still following her?
254
00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:52,200
Pheebs. Wake up and smell
the restraining order.
255
00:15:54,100 --> 00:15:55,500
What are you saying I should do?
256
00:15:55,700 --> 00:15:58,600
I think that if you really like this
guy, you should just trust him.
257
00:15:58,800 --> 00:15:59,800
Thank you, Monica.
258
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,400
Or you could follow him
and see where he goes.
259
00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:04,900
Oh, that's what I would do.
Forget mine.
260
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,000
Oh, my God! What happened?
261
00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:13,700
Oh, God. Crazy Chandler.
He spun me off the bed.
262
00:16:13,900 --> 00:16:16,600
Wow! Spinning.
That sounds like fun.
263
00:16:18,700 --> 00:16:20,100
I wish.
264
00:16:20,300 --> 00:16:24,700
No. You know, he was just
trying Ross' "hug and roll" thing.
265
00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:28,100
Ross' what?
266
00:16:28,300 --> 00:16:32,600
You know. Like where he hugs you
and then kind of rolls you away, and...
267
00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:36,400
Oh...
268
00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:37,800
... my...
269
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,000
... God!
270
00:17:10,900 --> 00:17:13,100
- Phoebe?
- Yes? Yes!
271
00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:15,800
What are you doing?
272
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:19,100
Oh, I was just here
looking for my...
273
00:17:19,500 --> 00:17:22,000
Part of an old sandwich.
Here it is!
274
00:17:23,700 --> 00:17:25,800
Were you following me?
275
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:27,800
Perhaps.
276
00:17:28,700 --> 00:17:31,200
Yes. Yes. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
277
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:34,400
I was just afraid that you
were still hung up on my sister.
278
00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:36,900
So you spied on me.
279
00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:39,300
I can't believe
you don't trust me.
280
00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:49,000
Oh, well, what do you know?
There goes my identical twin sister!
281
00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:51,800
Just walking along, looking like me.
282
00:17:53,100 --> 00:17:56,900
Well, is this like a freakish coincidence,
or did you know that she takes this train?
283
00:17:57,300 --> 00:18:02,000
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I tried to stop, but I couldn't.
284
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:04,400
I'm so pathetic.
285
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:08,300
No. No, it's not your fault.
You know, it's partly my fault.
286
00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:11,000
It's 'cause I made
you quit cold turkey.
287
00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:16,000
Okay, well, I mean, I can't date you
anymore because you're, you know...
288
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:17,300
Wow!
289
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:23,300
But I will definitely, definitely
help you get over my sister. Okay?
290
00:18:24,100 --> 00:18:26,400
Stalk me for a while, huh?
291
00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:30,400
Yeah, and I'll be like an Ursula patch.
292
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:33,300
- I don't know.
- Yeah! Just...
293
00:18:33,500 --> 00:18:35,500
Okay. Look, I'm going!
294
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:37,700
Come on.
295
00:18:38,100 --> 00:18:41,400
I'm behind the pillar.
Which way am I gonna go?
296
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:44,300
- Hey.
- Hey.
297
00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:46,700
- Where you going?
- To the bank.
298
00:18:46,900 --> 00:18:49,200
Sperm or regular?
299
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:51,400
Sperm.
300
00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:56,300
- So you're really doing it, huh?
- Oh, yeah. I picked a guy. 37135.
301
00:18:56,500 --> 00:18:57,600
Sounds nice.
302
00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:00,600
I'd say so. He's got
brown hair and green eyes.
303
00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:02,300
No kidding?
304
00:19:02,900 --> 00:19:05,400
- What?
- I figured you would have picked a blond.
305
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:07,900
- Really? Why?
- I don't know.
306
00:19:08,100 --> 00:19:12,700
I always pictured you ending up with a
tall, smart, blond guy with a name like...
307
00:19:12,900 --> 00:19:13,900
... Hoyt.
308
00:19:15,300 --> 00:19:16,200
Hoyt?
309
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:17,600
It's a name. Yeah.
310
00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:23,200
I saw you in this, you know,
this great house with a big pool.
311
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:25,900
Yeah? Is he a swimmer?
312
00:19:26,500 --> 00:19:27,900
He's got the body for it.
313
00:19:28,900 --> 00:19:31,000
I like that.
314
00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:34,600
What?
315
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:36,300
You have one of those signs that says:
316
00:19:36,500 --> 00:19:39,500
"We don't swim in your toilet,
so don't pee in our pool. " You know.
317
00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:42,900
- We do not have one of those signs.
- Sure, you do. It was a gift from me.
318
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,200
Oh! And you have these three great kids.
319
00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:50,500
- Two girls and a boy?
- Yeah!
320
00:19:50,700 --> 00:19:52,900
And they wear those little water wings,
you know...
321
00:19:53,100 --> 00:19:55,000
... and they're running around
on the deck.
322
00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:57,900
And then Hoyt wraps this big towel
around all three of them.
323
00:19:58,100 --> 00:19:59,700
Sure.
324
00:20:05,300 --> 00:20:07,900
But, hey, you know,
this way sounds good too.
325
00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:11,800
Yeah.
326
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:15,800
Oh, Monica.
327
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,900
Wow! This guy's an astronaut?
328
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:29,000
That would have been cool...
329
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:31,000
... for like a day.
330
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:38,400
I called the sperm bank today.
331
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:41,600
They haven't sold a single unit
of Tribbiani.
332
00:20:42,100 --> 00:20:43,600
Nobody wants my product.
333
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:47,500
I mean, I don't get it, you know.
334
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:52,800
I mean...
335
00:20:53,700 --> 00:20:55,500
Maybe if they met me in person.
336
00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:59,700
Honey, you got a little thing on your...
337
00:21:03,300 --> 00:21:04,200
Get it?
338
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,000
Yeah.
339
00:21:08,700 --> 00:21:10,500
Hello.
340
00:21:11,500 --> 00:21:13,300
Hello.
341
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:18,000
Okay.
342
00:21:20,700 --> 00:21:22,900
Chan, can I talk to you
for a second?
343
00:21:23,100 --> 00:21:25,100
Sure. What's up?
344
00:21:25,300 --> 00:21:28,200
Just one additional
relationship thought.
345
00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:31,000
Something you're probably
already familiar with.
346
00:21:31,300 --> 00:21:32,300
Women talk.
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