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FAMILY TIES
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Season 5 Episode 1
"Be True to Your Preschool"
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Hey, honey.
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Boy,
you're up early.
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Yeah, I wanted to get
a head start.
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I'm making breakfast.
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Well, what is all this?
Pancakes, bacon, eggs, toast?
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And freshly squeezed
orange juice.
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Well, now,
I am very impressed.
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That's hard to do
without a juicer.
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It's even harder to do
without oranges.
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What's the occasion?
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You know,
I got up this morning
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and I realized
how incredible it is…
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Alex is
a junior at Leland,
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Mallory is a freshman
at Grant College,
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Jennifer is in junior high,
and Andy starts preschool today.
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It made me think about
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how much we've all
been through together,
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how much I love this family,
how much I love you,
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and how unbelievably
expensive
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this year
is going to be.
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Maybe we should cancel
this breakfast.
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Ah, let's live
dangerously.
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These people ever gonna go
through midlife crisis?
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Alex, Jennifer,
sit down.
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I hope you're hungry,
because we've got pancakes.
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We've got eggs.
We've got bacon.
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Looks great,
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but the junior class is having
a "welcome back" breakfast.
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How about you, Jen?
What's it gonna be?
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Eggs? Pancakes?
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I ate already, Dad.
I've been up for 3 hours.
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I see.
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Mallory!
How about some pancakes?
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Please, Dad.
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If I even look at food today,
I'm gonna be sick.
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This worked out nicely.
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Jennifer,
Andy's ready for you.
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He just needs
his hair brushed.
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Isn't that cute?
His first day of preschool.
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Yeah. Mallory, you sure you
don't want some breakfast?
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No, Dad. It's my first day of college.
I'm very nervous.
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Mal, you got nothing
to worry about.
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I mean, it's not like
you're going to a real college.
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What is that
supposed to mean?
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Oh, come on.
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How can you get nervous
about going to a college
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that advertises
in Hot Rod Magazine?
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That's not true, Alex.
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Oh, come on, Mal.
I saw the ad.
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"Grant College
introductory offer…
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Buy one semester,
get the rest free."
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Then there's
that radio spot…
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"at Grant College,
we have a modern library,
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"fully qualified professors,
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and thick, juicy steaks cooked
just the way you like them."
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Alex, Grant College
is a very fine school.
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It's very hard to get in.
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Hello,
fellow Grant College freshman!
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Looks like it's even harder
to stay out.
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Skip, how about
some breakfast
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on your first day
at Grant College?
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No, no, no.
Thank you, Mr. Keaton.
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No, I'm saving my appetite
for those thick, juicy steaks.
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Oh! Hey!
Hi!
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Hey.
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Does this tie go, Alex?
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"Does this tie go"?
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You look like
a million bucks.
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Tax-free.
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Is it too late
to take Andy to the woods
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and have him
raised by wolves?
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Come on, Dad.
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You know how long I had to wait
to have a little brother?
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What I had to endure?
I'm just excited, that's all.
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Come on, Andy.
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Do you want to wave goodbye
to your sister
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on her first day
at college?
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It's not a real college.
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Where's Andy?
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He's upstairs
taking a nap.
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Ahh.
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I wanted to find out how
his first day at preschool was.
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I called there
three times.
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Every time I called,
they said it was nap time.
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Well, he's upstairs
taking another nap now.
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I got to talk to this kid.
He's sleeping his life away.
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Hi.
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Guys, how was your first day
of college?
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Jennifer,
it was so exciting.
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It's so different
from high school.
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I'm taking this amazing
philosophy course.
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We talked about life and death,
the nature of reality,
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and the existence
of being and non-being.
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I mean, this could change
the whole way I dress.
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How was your first day,
Skip?
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Not quite as good.
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Due to a computer error,
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I spent the whole day
at the registrar
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trying to prove that
I'm not a laboratory rat.
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Were you successful?
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I have to go back tomorrow
with my birth certificate.
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You know, Jennifer,
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I think philosophy
may be my true calling.
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There are just so many
interesting questions.
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Today,
the professor asked,
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"what proof do I have
that I really exist?"
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Show him
your phone bill.
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Laugh if you want, Alex,
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but I have started
my first paper.
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"I shop,
therefore I am."
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It's only a first draft,
too.
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Well,
let's go to the mall
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and do some research
on the paper.
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That's a good idea, Jen.
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You're gonna do really
well in college.
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Oh, hey.
Is Andy asleep yet?
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'Cause I want to ask him…
Oh, he is out like a light, honey.
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He's had
a very full day.
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I'm a little sleepy
myself.
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I've got a big day
on campus tomorrow.
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I have to run through a maze
and ring a bell
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to get a piece
of Swiss cheese.
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You crazy college kids.
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So, uh,
Andy liked preschool, huh?
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Great.
Tell me all about it.
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Well, he, uh,
was a little nervous at first.
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Yeah, well, that's all right.
That's to be expected.
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But after a couple of minutes,
he started to enjoy himself.
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Well, what were
his favorite subjects…
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finger painting, blocks,
supply-side economics?
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I think he said
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that the part he liked best
was sharing time.
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Oh.
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Sharing time?
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What's that?
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One of the objectives
of the school
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is to teach kids
that sharing is fun.
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So, everything
is shared equally.
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All the toys in the room
belong to the group,
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and they're considered
communal property.
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What is this,
the Karl Marx Preschool?
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The Harper School program
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teaches kids
to support each other…
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to feel good
about themselves.
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They even have this method
of encouraging
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the children
who are a little shy.
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They give them patches to wear
that say,
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"I know how to say goodbye"
or "I know how to nap"
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or "I know how to speak
in sentences."
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Sounds like
an insane asylum.
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Preschool is supposed to
prepare Andy
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for real life.
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In a couple years,
he's gonna be out there
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in the dog-eat-dog world
of kindergarten.
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He's got to be ready.
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He's got to build his character,
sharpen his mental skills,
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improve
his physical endurance.
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So basically, you're suggesting
a military preschool.
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I just don't want to see Andy
on the street
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20 years from now
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with a patch that says,
"I know how to say goodbye."
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Okay, Andy.
Here's your lunchbox.
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Now, these are your
coloring books and your crayons.
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Remember.
How do we feel about sharing?
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Pbht!
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Thataboy.
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Okay,
now you just wear this,
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and I don't think
we'll have any problem.
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Good morning, Andy.
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Good morning, Mrs. Kluger.
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Good morning, Mrs. Kluger.
I'm Alex Keaton, Andy's brother.
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I'm Mrs. Kluger,
the director.
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Right. Oh, listen, Andy,
I got to run to class now.
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But remember... tonight,
we're going to go out,
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we're gonna get ice cream,
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then I'm gonna take you
and show you
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how the automated-teller
machines work.
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Okay?
Remember... who loves you?
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Alex loves me.
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You know it.
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So, uh...
How's he doing?
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Oh,
he's a terrific child.
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He's very sensitive
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and very thoughtful
of the other children.
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Well, I can't help that.
It's my parents' influence.
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You know, Andrew talks about you
all the time, Alex.
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Oh, really?
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Yeah. He mentions
your name so often,
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you'd think someone was
paying him to talk about you.
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Mrs. Kluger, do you mind
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if I take a little look
around here?
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Oh, no. Feel free.
We encourage visitors.
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We're completely open
and free here.
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That's nothing
to brag about.
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So, this is the library.
Yeah.
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And we try to fill it with
colorful, interesting books.
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We've got, uh, oh,
"Charlie Goes to School,"
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"A Snowy Day,"
"The Curious Cow."
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Yeah. We've got that one
at home.
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Mallory's reading it.
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My sister.
Oh.
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You've also got a sister
in preschool?
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00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:44,146
No, Mallory couldn't
get into preschool...
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So she's going
to Grant College.
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Hi, Mrs. Kluger.
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Hi, Michael.
What does your patch say?
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"I know how to say goodbye
to my Daddy."
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Very good, sweetie.
Isn't that wonderful, Alex?
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What's so wonderful
about that?
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I know how to say goodbye
to my Daddy.
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You don't see me
wearing a patch.
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Well, we try
to encourage Michael.
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He's very shy.
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This gives him
a sense of accomplishment.
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Well,
I'm all for creating
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a sense of accomplishment,
Mrs. Kluger.
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I just question
your methods.
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00:10:22,007 --> 00:10:23,546
Oh. Well,
what do you suggest?
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00:10:23,576 --> 00:10:25,846
Well, have you thought about
dividing the children
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into different play groups,
giving them I.Q. tests?
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Well, Alex,
we're trying to foster
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a noncompetitive environment.
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Oh, come on, Mrs. Kluger.
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Join us
in the real world here.
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00:10:43,537 --> 00:10:45,877
Do you see people out there
who are noncompetitive?
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People sharing?
People taking naps on mats?
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00:10:50,476 --> 00:10:54,307
Steven and Elyse Keaton
are your parents?
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Oh, Mrs. Kluger,
I got to go.
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Uh, I'm just gonna
say goodbye to Andy,
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and I'll be on my way.
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Sure. He's over there,
playing House.
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No, no. That's impossible.
Andy doesn't play House.
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Well, of course he does.
See him diapering that doll?
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00:11:07,337 --> 00:11:10,246
He's diapering a doll?
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00:11:10,276 --> 00:11:11,607
Andy, what are you doing?
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Diapering a doll.
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Where's your wife?
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Out working.
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We're out of here.
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Let's go. Let's go.
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Today was the first day
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I really felt like
a real college student.
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Of course, today was the first
day I wasn't getting shocked
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for running against the traffic
in our maze.
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Skippy, do you mind?
I'm trying to do some work here.
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00:11:42,837 --> 00:11:45,646
I'm sorry, Mal. It's just such a great
feeling to be human again.
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Wait a minute!
You just gave me a great idea.
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I did?
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My next assignment
in philosophy
252
00:11:50,807 --> 00:11:53,246
is to pick someone
and try to prove they exist.
253
00:11:53,276 --> 00:11:54,946
I mean,
I can do that on you.
254
00:11:54,976 --> 00:11:56,807
Wow! What a challenge!
255
00:11:56,837 --> 00:11:59,377
Yeah, if I could prove
you exist,
256
00:11:59,407 --> 00:12:01,377
I'd definitely get an "A."
257
00:12:01,407 --> 00:12:05,480
And you'd be able to settle a
bet I have with my grandfather.
258
00:12:07,510 --> 00:12:09,907
Whoa, whoa, Mallory.
Do you have to work here?
259
00:12:09,937 --> 00:12:11,677
We could really use
this space.
260
00:12:11,707 --> 00:12:13,577
Oh, no, no.
You can't stop us now, Alex.
261
00:12:13,607 --> 00:12:16,207
See, Mallory is going to prove
that I exist.
262
00:12:16,237 --> 00:12:18,477
That could get
a little messy.
263
00:12:18,507 --> 00:12:20,207
Why don't you do that
in the kitchen, huh?
264
00:12:20,237 --> 00:12:22,377
All right.
All right.
265
00:12:22,407 --> 00:12:23,907
Okay, a couple of questions,
Skippy.
266
00:12:23,937 --> 00:12:25,946
First of all, what would you say
distinguishes you
267
00:12:25,976 --> 00:12:27,546
from an inanimate object?
268
00:12:27,576 --> 00:12:30,407
My allergies?
269
00:12:30,437 --> 00:12:31,646
Alex, this is crazy.
270
00:12:31,676 --> 00:12:34,207
Don't you think Mom and Dad
are gonna find out
271
00:12:34,237 --> 00:12:36,007
that Andy
isn't in preschool?
272
00:12:36,037 --> 00:12:38,346
Yeah, well, I can't worry
about that now.
273
00:12:38,376 --> 00:12:40,646
The important thing is
to deprogram Andy
274
00:12:40,676 --> 00:12:43,807
before anything he learned
in preschool sinks in.
275
00:12:43,837 --> 00:12:45,446
What do you want me
to do first?
276
00:12:45,476 --> 00:12:47,646
Okay.
We're gonna play House.
277
00:12:47,676 --> 00:12:50,446
I'm gonna be the father.
You're gonna be the mother.
278
00:12:50,476 --> 00:12:53,207
We're gonna show Andy
how a normal family functions.
279
00:12:53,237 --> 00:12:54,877
Are you watching, Andy?
Yes, sir.
280
00:12:54,907 --> 00:12:56,546
Good.
281
00:12:56,576 --> 00:12:58,846
Honey, I'm home!
282
00:12:58,876 --> 00:13:00,410
Hi, there, dear.
283
00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:03,207
What did you do today
284
00:13:03,237 --> 00:13:07,977
while I was out working hard
to support you?
285
00:13:08,007 --> 00:13:10,350
I had an affair
with the milkman.
286
00:13:16,410 --> 00:13:19,577
That's very funny,
dear.
287
00:13:19,607 --> 00:13:22,377
Does that mean you didn't make
any dinner for your husband,
288
00:13:22,407 --> 00:13:24,577
even though I was slaving away
at the office?
289
00:13:24,607 --> 00:13:26,246
At least
you get paid.
290
00:13:26,276 --> 00:13:28,277
Housework is just as tough
as your job,
291
00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:29,446
and I don't get a dime.
292
00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:30,607
I want a divorce!
293
00:13:30,637 --> 00:13:31,980
All right, Jennifer.
294
00:13:35,110 --> 00:13:39,050
If you can't play nicely,
let's not play at all, okay?
295
00:13:40,580 --> 00:13:41,710
That's all right, Andy.
We don't need her.
296
00:13:43,210 --> 00:13:44,907
Hey, Alex.
Hey! There's my guy.
297
00:13:44,937 --> 00:13:46,877
Hi, sweetie.
Hi.
298
00:13:46,907 --> 00:13:49,577
Hey, what's, uh…
What's this patch?
299
00:13:49,607 --> 00:13:51,307
Uh, that's nothing.
300
00:13:51,337 --> 00:13:55,646
"I know how to
itemize deductions."
301
00:13:55,676 --> 00:14:00,646
Boy, they're really
moving ahead quickly there.
302
00:14:00,676 --> 00:14:03,307
Mom, Dad, sit down.
303
00:14:03,337 --> 00:14:06,777
Something very bad
is going to happen now.
304
00:14:06,807 --> 00:14:10,107
Just hear me out...
before you say anything, okay?
305
00:14:10,137 --> 00:14:12,007
Oh, this is worse
than we thought.
306
00:14:12,037 --> 00:14:14,507
Andy withdrew
from preschool today.
307
00:14:14,537 --> 00:14:16,146
What?
308
00:14:16,176 --> 00:14:17,377
And I want
to tell you something.
309
00:14:17,407 --> 00:14:18,550
I admire him for it.
310
00:14:20,580 --> 00:14:23,707
Okay. All right. All right.
Andy didn't withdraw.
311
00:14:23,737 --> 00:14:25,346
I withdrew him.
312
00:14:25,376 --> 00:14:27,007
But that preschool
wasn't for him.
313
00:14:27,037 --> 00:14:29,046
He was picking up
a lot of bad habits there.
314
00:14:29,076 --> 00:14:31,777
Alex, the Harper Preschool
is one of the best in the area.
315
00:14:31,807 --> 00:14:34,146
It's a humanistic approach
to child care
316
00:14:34,176 --> 00:14:35,446
based on affection,
317
00:14:35,476 --> 00:14:37,846
mutual understanding,
and respect.
318
00:14:37,876 --> 00:14:41,277
Granted, you have no regard
for these things,
319
00:14:41,307 --> 00:14:44,480
but other members of our species
cling blindly to them.
320
00:14:45,310 --> 00:14:46,777
I'm gonna call Mrs. Kluger.
321
00:14:46,807 --> 00:14:48,746
There's no way she could've
taken any of this seriously.
322
00:14:48,776 --> 00:14:50,046
All right.
323
00:14:50,076 --> 00:14:54,177
Look, I'm sorry things
turned out the way they did.
324
00:14:54,207 --> 00:14:57,507
But you have to understand
one thing.
325
00:14:57,537 --> 00:14:59,007
I only did what I did
326
00:14:59,037 --> 00:15:01,607
'cause I thought
it was best for Andy.
327
00:15:01,637 --> 00:15:03,777
I love that kid.
328
00:15:03,807 --> 00:15:07,077
I'd never do anything
to hurt him.
329
00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:08,477
All right, Alex.
330
00:15:08,507 --> 00:15:11,577
But you have to understand
one thing.
331
00:15:11,607 --> 00:15:15,146
We're his parents,
and this is our decision.
332
00:15:15,176 --> 00:15:16,977
You're right.
333
00:15:17,007 --> 00:15:18,980
Hey, you're right.
334
00:15:21,150 --> 00:15:23,910
Wait a minute.
You got Mallory.
335
00:15:25,780 --> 00:15:27,446
You got Jennifer.
336
00:15:27,476 --> 00:15:30,207
You got carte blanche
on them.
337
00:15:30,237 --> 00:15:31,246
Do whatever you want.
338
00:15:31,276 --> 00:15:32,877
I'll even throw in Skippy
If you want.
339
00:15:32,907 --> 00:15:34,307
But Andrew...
340
00:15:34,337 --> 00:15:35,910
Andrew's mine.
341
00:15:39,210 --> 00:15:42,807
Well, if he throws in
Skippy...
342
00:15:42,837 --> 00:15:44,010
Steven!
343
00:15:46,650 --> 00:15:49,407
Good morning, Andrew.
Good morning, Alex.
344
00:15:49,437 --> 00:15:54,277
Good morning,
Mrs. Kluger.
345
00:15:54,307 --> 00:15:56,277
It's nice to see you
back at school, Andy.
346
00:15:56,307 --> 00:15:58,177
I think Mrs. Kaufman's
waiting for you.
347
00:15:58,207 --> 00:15:59,350
Go ahead, Andy.
Be strong.
348
00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:03,677
Mrs. Kluger,
349
00:16:03,707 --> 00:16:06,507
I'm, uh, sorry about
what happened yesterday.
350
00:16:06,537 --> 00:16:07,877
I was way out of line,
351
00:16:07,907 --> 00:16:09,846
and I shouldn't have told you
how to run your school.
352
00:16:09,876 --> 00:16:13,477
I get a little emotional
when it comes to Andy.
353
00:16:13,507 --> 00:16:16,977
Well, would you like to stay
and watch him play for a while?
354
00:16:17,007 --> 00:16:18,607
Actually, I can't.
I got to go.
355
00:16:18,637 --> 00:16:21,977
Thanks, anyway.
All right. Have a nice day.
356
00:16:22,007 --> 00:16:25,046
Okay. This morning,
we're really gonna have fun.
357
00:16:25,076 --> 00:16:28,446
Let's pretend that we're going
to run a little business.
358
00:16:28,476 --> 00:16:31,877
Business?
359
00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:33,646
Now, what should we sell?
360
00:16:33,676 --> 00:16:35,746
Turtles!
361
00:16:35,776 --> 00:16:37,907
Turtles.
362
00:16:37,937 --> 00:16:42,010
The turtle market's
been depressed since '81.
363
00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:46,577
Now, if we're gonna have
a turtle store,
364
00:16:46,607 --> 00:16:49,607
we have to decide how much
to sell the turtles for.
365
00:16:49,637 --> 00:16:51,807
Now, what do you think,
everybody?
366
00:16:51,837 --> 00:16:53,977
For free.
367
00:16:54,007 --> 00:16:56,277
Well, that is
very nice of you, Rhonda.
368
00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:58,677
We won't charge anything
for the turtles.
369
00:16:58,707 --> 00:17:00,746
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
370
00:17:00,776 --> 00:17:04,407
At that rate, you're gonna be
out of business by nap time.
371
00:17:04,437 --> 00:17:06,646
Uh, would you
excuse me, please?
372
00:17:06,676 --> 00:17:07,946
Sorry.
373
00:17:07,976 --> 00:17:11,280
Now, what's the first thing
we need for our store?
374
00:17:11,660 --> 00:17:12,657
Turtles.
375
00:17:12,687 --> 00:17:13,696
Turtles!
376
00:17:13,726 --> 00:17:16,757
That's exactly right,
Andy.
377
00:17:16,787 --> 00:17:17,857
Once we have turtles,
378
00:17:17,887 --> 00:17:19,527
I guess we're ready
to open up.
379
00:17:19,557 --> 00:17:21,296
No, come on.
Wait. Look.
380
00:17:21,326 --> 00:17:23,627
There are a million decisions
to be made here.
381
00:17:23,657 --> 00:17:26,096
First of all, what kind of turtles
are you gonna sell?
382
00:17:26,126 --> 00:17:27,357
Myself, I'd suggest
383
00:17:27,387 --> 00:17:29,027
dividing the stock up
in the following manner...
384
00:17:29,057 --> 00:17:32,157
70% disposable turtles...
Disposable turtles?
385
00:17:32,187 --> 00:17:33,496
Yeah, you know,
the kind that die
386
00:17:33,526 --> 00:17:35,700
as soon
as you bring them home.
387
00:17:38,150 --> 00:17:39,946
And then, the other 30%,
388
00:17:39,976 --> 00:17:43,507
I'd have those, you know,
those big sea turtles.
389
00:17:43,537 --> 00:17:46,077
For soups.
390
00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:48,746
But you need a store manager
to make these decisions.
391
00:17:48,776 --> 00:17:50,677
Now, who wants to be
a store manager?
392
00:17:50,707 --> 00:17:52,777
Oh! I see Andrew Keaton
has his hand up.
393
00:17:52,807 --> 00:17:54,650
I like a boy
with initiative.
394
00:17:56,410 --> 00:17:58,807
I got an idea.
We need co-managers.
395
00:17:58,837 --> 00:18:01,777
Hey, Michael, why don't you
and Andy both manage the store?
396
00:18:01,807 --> 00:18:03,877
Good. Great. Okay.
397
00:18:03,907 --> 00:18:06,207
Now we need
an advertising campaign.
398
00:18:06,237 --> 00:18:08,250
Rhonda, you ever do
any modeling?
399
00:18:11,110 --> 00:18:15,307
Yes,
and I have a dog.
400
00:18:15,337 --> 00:18:19,146
Let's stick
to business, Rhonda.
401
00:18:19,176 --> 00:18:22,307
Okay, we're gonna need
a picture, a photograph,
402
00:18:22,337 --> 00:18:24,077
of you and a turtle
403
00:18:24,107 --> 00:18:26,907
and a sign saying,
uh, what? What?
404
00:18:26,937 --> 00:18:28,607
Uh, "welcome
to our grand opening.
405
00:18:28,637 --> 00:18:31,146
Come out of your shell sale."
406
00:18:31,176 --> 00:18:32,877
Right? Okay.
We're gonna need a sign.
407
00:18:32,907 --> 00:18:34,607
Who wants to paint a sign?
408
00:18:34,637 --> 00:18:36,207
Excuse me,
but I work here.
409
00:18:36,237 --> 00:18:39,607
Fabulous.
Get some paints, will you?
410
00:18:39,637 --> 00:18:42,307
And, uh...
411
00:18:42,337 --> 00:18:44,346
Some red, white, and blue
decorations.
412
00:18:44,376 --> 00:18:47,177
Okay, now, we're gonna need
a business manager
413
00:18:47,207 --> 00:18:49,207
to help us avoid
paying taxes.
414
00:18:49,237 --> 00:18:51,246
What's taxes?
415
00:18:51,276 --> 00:18:54,646
A tax is a terrible...
416
00:18:54,676 --> 00:18:56,146
Hairy...
417
00:18:56,176 --> 00:19:00,107
Liberal monster...
418
00:19:00,137 --> 00:19:01,950
With big teeth.
419
00:19:04,950 --> 00:19:06,246
And the only thing...
420
00:19:06,276 --> 00:19:09,507
The only thing that can stop
the terrible tax monster
421
00:19:09,537 --> 00:19:11,910
is a Republican.
422
00:19:17,150 --> 00:19:20,346
Who wants to be
a Republican?
423
00:19:20,376 --> 00:19:23,707
Whoa!
424
00:19:23,737 --> 00:19:26,307
Oh. What's all this?
Oh, it's very simple, Elyse.
425
00:19:26,337 --> 00:19:28,707
If the back-to-school
breakfast didn't work,
426
00:19:28,737 --> 00:19:31,477
we just switch gears and try
the back-to-school dinner.
427
00:19:31,507 --> 00:19:33,477
But the kids have been
back to school
428
00:19:33,507 --> 00:19:35,107
for over a week now.
429
00:19:35,137 --> 00:19:37,050
So, they've had time
to work up an appetite.
430
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,307
See you later.
431
00:19:39,337 --> 00:19:41,977
Okay. Hey,
where are you going?
432
00:19:42,007 --> 00:19:44,407
I'm having dinner
at Chrissy's house.
433
00:19:44,437 --> 00:19:46,446
You said I could go
last week.
434
00:19:46,476 --> 00:19:47,877
This is a school night,
Jennifer.
435
00:19:47,907 --> 00:19:49,646
Shouldn't you be staying home
and studying?
436
00:19:49,676 --> 00:19:50,907
I finished studying.
437
00:19:50,937 --> 00:19:53,346
And anyway, I got a 98
on my first test.
438
00:19:53,376 --> 00:19:55,946
I would've gotten 100,
except that I put Mandalay down
439
00:19:55,976 --> 00:19:58,077
as the capital of Burma
instead of Rangoon.
440
00:19:58,107 --> 00:20:01,510
And you expect us
to just overlook that?
441
00:20:03,580 --> 00:20:04,877
Hi. Hi. Hi.
442
00:20:04,907 --> 00:20:06,346
Hey, Mal, Skip.
443
00:20:06,376 --> 00:20:08,507
Mallory, it's not your fault.
You did everything you could.
444
00:20:08,537 --> 00:20:09,577
Ah, thanks, Skippy.
445
00:20:09,607 --> 00:20:11,204
And don't worry.
You'll get over it.
446
00:20:11,234 --> 00:20:12,135
What happened?
447
00:20:12,165 --> 00:20:14,107
Well, I got an "F"
on my philosophy paper.
448
00:20:14,137 --> 00:20:17,607
I couldn't prove
that Skippy existed.
449
00:20:17,637 --> 00:20:19,646
Well, maybe I'll just
go back to the lab
450
00:20:19,676 --> 00:20:21,446
and the other rats.
451
00:20:21,476 --> 00:20:23,210
At least
I was accepted there.
452
00:20:29,750 --> 00:20:31,080
Bye-bye.
453
00:20:32,150 --> 00:20:35,346
Well, I hope
you're hungry, Mal.
454
00:20:35,376 --> 00:20:37,046
We're planning
a big dinner.
455
00:20:37,076 --> 00:20:39,507
Um, I can't, Dad. Nick and I are
going to an art exhibit.
456
00:20:39,537 --> 00:20:40,777
It starts in half an hour.
457
00:20:40,807 --> 00:20:42,350
See you later.
458
00:20:46,550 --> 00:20:50,277
Well, here we are
again, Elyse...
459
00:20:50,307 --> 00:20:54,180
You, me,
and huge amounts of food.
460
00:20:55,510 --> 00:20:56,607
Hey.
461
00:20:56,637 --> 00:20:58,577
Hey, Alex.
Hi, sweetheart.
462
00:20:58,607 --> 00:21:00,007
Andy.
463
00:21:00,037 --> 00:21:01,207
Hey.
How were your classes?
464
00:21:01,237 --> 00:21:02,846
I don't know.
I didn't make it.
465
00:21:02,876 --> 00:21:05,077
I spent the whole day
at preschool with Andy.
466
00:21:05,107 --> 00:21:06,707
Why?
Was there a problem?
467
00:21:06,737 --> 00:21:08,777
He's still enrolled,
isn't he?
468
00:21:08,807 --> 00:21:10,146
Yeah,
he's still enrolled.
469
00:21:10,176 --> 00:21:12,477
As a matter of fact,
he got his report card today.
470
00:21:12,507 --> 00:21:14,707
"Doesn't get along
with other children,
471
00:21:14,737 --> 00:21:18,246
has a tendency to try to run
every activity his own way."
472
00:21:18,276 --> 00:21:20,546
Wait a minute.
That's mine.
473
00:21:20,576 --> 00:21:21,810
Oh.
474
00:21:25,850 --> 00:21:28,877
No... here's Andy's
right here.
475
00:21:28,907 --> 00:21:31,477
Oh. Well, yeah.
"Andy is a delightful boy
476
00:21:31,507 --> 00:21:33,246
"who's very popular
with the other children.
477
00:21:33,276 --> 00:21:35,707
It's a pleasure having
him in the class."
478
00:21:35,737 --> 00:21:37,545
That's wonderful,
Andy.
479
00:21:37,575 --> 00:21:39,946
Maybe I wasn't
completely in the right
480
00:21:39,976 --> 00:21:41,907
on this whole
preschool thing.
481
00:21:41,937 --> 00:21:45,046
I mean, sure, they do some
things differently than I would,
482
00:21:45,076 --> 00:21:46,177
but on the whole,
483
00:21:46,207 --> 00:21:48,807
there's a whole lot of love
and affection there.
484
00:21:48,837 --> 00:21:53,146
With the proper supervision
and the right guest speakers,
485
00:21:53,176 --> 00:21:55,377
those kids
could learn a lot.
486
00:21:55,407 --> 00:21:56,907
"Guest speakers"?
487
00:21:56,937 --> 00:22:00,577
I'm going to be lecturing there
once a week.
488
00:22:00,607 --> 00:22:02,407
Uh, by the way,
489
00:22:02,437 --> 00:22:04,607
you're planning on eating
here tonight, aren't you?
490
00:22:04,637 --> 00:22:05,746
Oh, Dad, uh, listen.
491
00:22:05,776 --> 00:22:07,846
Andy and I were gonna
have dinner alone tonight,
492
00:22:07,876 --> 00:22:09,346
kind of
a "brothers evening."
493
00:22:09,376 --> 00:22:10,777
That's all right,
isn't it?
494
00:22:10,807 --> 00:22:12,646
Fine.
495
00:22:12,676 --> 00:22:18,277
Fine. I'll just put this
in the back-to-school freezer.
496
00:22:18,307 --> 00:22:20,146
I'll eat it.
497
00:22:20,176 --> 00:22:22,007
You're gonna eat
15 hamburgers,
498
00:22:22,037 --> 00:22:24,077
lasagna,
and a rack of lamb, Elyse?
499
00:22:24,107 --> 00:22:27,350
Well,
not all at one sitting.
500
00:22:28,210 --> 00:22:31,707
Hey, Andy.
501
00:22:31,737 --> 00:22:35,007
Sorry I ruined
your first week at preschool.
502
00:22:35,037 --> 00:22:37,950
It's just that you're
my only brother.
503
00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:41,277
I get a little crazy
when it comes to you,
504
00:22:41,307 --> 00:22:45,677
'cause I know that you are
destined for greatness…
505
00:22:45,707 --> 00:22:47,677
The same way that Jennifer
is destined for greatness,
506
00:22:47,707 --> 00:22:50,777
the way I'm destined
for greatness,
507
00:22:50,807 --> 00:22:54,950
and, uh, Mallory's destined
to be cared for by the state.
508
00:22:56,650 --> 00:22:58,677
But you can go
at your own pace, okay?
509
00:22:58,707 --> 00:23:00,446
I'm not gonna
push you too hard.
510
00:23:00,476 --> 00:23:03,577
If you ever need any advice,
come to me.
511
00:23:03,607 --> 00:23:05,507
If you ever need anything,
512
00:23:05,537 --> 00:23:07,510
come to your big brother,
all right?
513
00:23:08,810 --> 00:23:11,407
Just don't ask me
to beat up anybody for you,
514
00:23:11,437 --> 00:23:12,777
once you get past five.
515
00:23:12,807 --> 00:23:15,977
Alex loves me.
516
00:23:16,007 --> 00:23:18,250
You bet he does.
517
00:23:19,650 --> 00:23:20,977
Let's go get some burgers,
huh?
518
00:23:21,007 --> 00:23:23,577
Oh, Andy...
519
00:23:23,607 --> 00:23:24,850
You drive.
|
1
00:00:01,140 --> 00:00:07,080
СЕМЕЙНЫЕ УЗЫ
2
00:00:07,110 --> 00:00:12,380
5 сезон 1 серия
«Будь верен своему детсаду»
3
00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:06,250
- Дорогая.
- Ты что-то рано.
4
00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:08,810
Я сегодня раньше всех.
Готовлю завтрак.
5
00:01:08,850 --> 00:01:11,680
Всё это?
Блины, бекон, омлет, тосты?
6
00:01:11,710 --> 00:01:13,981
И свежевыжатый
апельсиновый сок.
7
00:01:14,011 --> 00:01:16,910
Впечатляет. Его трудно сделать
без соковыжималки.
8
00:01:16,950 --> 00:01:19,550
А ещё труднее – без апельсинов.
9
00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:21,669
Что за повод?
10
00:01:21,701 --> 00:01:24,510
Сегодня я проснулся и понял,
как всё замечательно.
11
00:01:24,550 --> 00:01:26,720
Алекс – на предпоследнем
курсе в Лиланде.
12
00:01:26,750 --> 00:01:29,119
Мэллори – на первом
в колледже Гранта,
13
00:01:29,149 --> 00:01:33,010
Дженнифер – в средней школе,
а Энди идёт в детский сад.
14
00:01:34,510 --> 00:01:35,610
И я задумался:
15
00:01:35,650 --> 00:01:37,650
сколько же всего
мы пережили вместе,
16
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:41,850
как сильно я люблю мою семью,
и как сильно люблю тебя.
17
00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:47,180
И какие невероятные расходы
ждут нас в этом году.
18
00:01:47,210 --> 00:01:49,287
Может, тогда отменим этот завтрак?
19
00:01:49,317 --> 00:01:51,541
Чего уж, гулять так гулять.
20
00:01:55,810 --> 00:01:58,510
Они пройдут уже через свой
кризис среднего возраста?
21
00:01:58,550 --> 00:02:00,080
Алекс, Дженнифер, садитесь.
22
00:02:00,110 --> 00:02:02,780
Надеюсь, есть вы хотите,
ведь сегодня у нас блины,
23
00:02:02,810 --> 00:02:04,350
омлет и бекон.
24
00:02:04,380 --> 00:02:07,510
Заманчиво, но у нас на курсе
будет приветственный завтрак.
25
00:02:07,550 --> 00:02:09,880
А ты, Джен?
Что будешь?
26
00:02:09,910 --> 00:02:11,550
Омлет? Блины?
27
00:02:11,580 --> 00:02:13,910
Я уже поела, пап.
Проснулась три часа назад.
28
00:02:13,950 --> 00:02:16,280
Ясно.
29
00:02:16,310 --> 00:02:19,250
Мэллори, блинчики с пылу с жару!
30
00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:22,950
Перестань, пап. Мне дурно
от одного только вида еды.
31
00:02:22,980 --> 00:02:26,050
Не зря я всё готовил.
32
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:28,810
Дженнифер, Энди ждёт тебя.
Осталось только причесать.
33
00:02:28,850 --> 00:02:31,310
Так мило.
Он уже идёт в садик.
34
00:02:31,350 --> 00:02:34,180
Мэллори, ты точно
не хочешь позавтракать?
35
00:02:34,210 --> 00:02:36,610
Нет, пап. Мой первый день
в колледже, я вся на нервах.
36
00:02:36,650 --> 00:02:39,250
Зря волнуешься, Мэл.
37
00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:42,714
Ты же не идёшь
в настоящий колледж.
38
00:02:46,380 --> 00:02:49,150
И как это понимать?
39
00:02:49,180 --> 00:02:51,910
Да брось. Как можно
переживать из-за колледжа,
40
00:02:51,950 --> 00:02:55,280
который рекламируется
в автомобильном журнале?
41
00:02:56,576 --> 00:02:58,536
Это неправда, Алекс.
42
00:02:58,566 --> 00:03:00,150
Мэл, я видел объявление.
43
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,450
"Колледж Гранта.
Вступительное предложение.
44
00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:05,750
Оплати один семестр,
получи оставшиеся бесплатно".
45
00:03:05,780 --> 00:03:08,250
И ещё этот радиоролик:
46
00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:10,395
"У нас в колледже Гранта
современная библиотека,
47
00:03:10,425 --> 00:03:12,061
высококвалифицированные
преподаватели
48
00:03:12,091 --> 00:03:15,150
и толстые сочные стейки,
приготовленные, как вы любите".
49
00:03:16,085 --> 00:03:18,181
Алекс, колледж Гранта
очень хорошее место.
50
00:03:18,211 --> 00:03:19,810
Туда крайне сложно попасть.
51
00:03:19,850 --> 00:03:23,110
Привет сокурсникам
по колледжу Гранта!
52
00:03:26,150 --> 00:03:30,480
Похоже, ещё сложнее
туда <i>не</i> попасть.
53
00:03:30,510 --> 00:03:33,980
Скип, как насчёт завтрака в твой
первый учебный день в Гранте?
54
00:03:34,010 --> 00:03:35,680
Нет-нет.
Спасибо, мистер Китон.
55
00:03:35,710 --> 00:03:39,810
Хочу оставить место для тех
толстых сочных стейков.
56
00:03:42,910 --> 00:03:45,250
Приветик!
57
00:03:48,810 --> 00:03:51,980
Этот галстук подходит?
58
00:03:52,010 --> 00:03:56,380
Подходит ли этот галстук?
Ты выглядишь на миллион баксов.
59
00:03:56,410 --> 00:03:58,080
Не включая налоги.
60
00:03:59,910 --> 00:04:05,780
Уже поздно отвезти Энди в лес
и отдать на воспитание волкам?
61
00:04:05,810 --> 00:04:08,570
Отец. Знаешь, как долго
я ждал младшего брата?
62
00:04:08,602 --> 00:04:12,180
Что мне пришлось пережить?
Это волнительно для меня.
63
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:16,750
Энди, хочешь помахать сестрёнке
перед её первым днём в колледже?
64
00:04:16,780 --> 00:04:18,980
Это не настоящий колледж.
65
00:04:26,950 --> 00:04:28,680
Где Энди?
66
00:04:28,710 --> 00:04:30,853
Наверху, спит.
67
00:04:31,653 --> 00:04:34,480
Хотел узнать, как прошёл его
первый день в саду.
68
00:04:34,510 --> 00:04:39,680
Я трижды туда звонил.
И каждый раз у них был тихий час.
69
00:04:39,710 --> 00:04:42,810
Сейчас у него ещё один.
70
00:04:42,850 --> 00:04:45,850
Надо поговорить с этим ребёнком.
А то всю жизнь так проспит.
71
00:04:46,784 --> 00:04:47,950
Привет.
72
00:04:47,980 --> 00:04:49,710
Как первый день в колледже?
73
00:04:49,750 --> 00:04:52,710
Дженнифер, полный отпад.
Со школой не сравнить.
74
00:04:52,750 --> 00:04:54,450
У нас была потрясная философия.
75
00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:57,533
Говорили о жизни, о смерти,
о природе настоящего,
76
00:04:57,563 --> 00:04:59,150
о бытие и небытие.
77
00:04:59,180 --> 00:05:03,765
Это может изменить
весь стиль моей одежды.
78
00:05:05,280 --> 00:05:07,610
А тебе, Скип, как колледж?
79
00:05:07,650 --> 00:05:09,110
Как-то не очень.
80
00:05:09,150 --> 00:05:10,582
Из-за ошибки в компьютере,
81
00:05:10,612 --> 00:05:12,450
я весь день проторчал
в секретариате,
82
00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:15,310
доказывая, что я
не лабораторная крыса.
83
00:05:16,688 --> 00:05:18,350
Доказал?
84
00:05:18,380 --> 00:05:21,250
Завтра понесу
свидетельство о рождении.
85
00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:23,280
Знаешь, Дженнифер,
86
00:05:23,310 --> 00:05:26,210
я думаю, философия –
это моё призвание.
87
00:05:26,250 --> 00:05:29,461
Там столько интересного.
Сегодня вот препод спросил:
88
00:05:29,498 --> 00:05:32,180
"Как я могу доказать,
что существую?"
89
00:05:32,210 --> 00:05:36,250
Покажи ему свои счета
за телефон.
90
00:05:36,310 --> 00:05:38,080
Можешь смеяться, Алекс,
91
00:05:38,110 --> 00:05:40,780
но я начала писать
свою первую работу.
92
00:05:40,810 --> 00:05:43,989
"Я покупаю,
и, значит, я живу."
93
00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:48,510
Пока только черновик.
94
00:05:48,550 --> 00:05:49,810
Пойдём по магазинам,
95
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,805
проведём исследование
для твоей работы.
96
00:05:51,835 --> 00:05:56,112
Отлично придумала, Джен.
В колледже ты преуспеешь.
97
00:05:56,981 --> 00:05:59,607
Энди ещё не проснулся?
Я хотел поговорить...
98
00:05:59,637 --> 00:06:02,680
Спит без задних ног.
У него был насыщенный день.
99
00:06:02,710 --> 00:06:04,210
Я тоже что-то засыпаю.
100
00:06:04,250 --> 00:06:06,250
Завтра у меня
большой день в колледже.
101
00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:08,750
Буду бегать по лабиринту
и звонить в колокольчик,
102
00:06:08,780 --> 00:06:11,202
чтобы получить кусочек сыра.
103
00:06:11,232 --> 00:06:14,080
Чем бы студент не тешился...
104
00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:17,850
- Энди понравилось в саду?
- Да.
105
00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:19,380
Класс! Давайте подробности.
106
00:06:19,410 --> 00:06:22,410
Поначалу он нервничал немного.
107
00:06:22,450 --> 00:06:24,310
Ничего. Это ожидаемо.
108
00:06:24,350 --> 00:06:26,810
Но через пару минут
уже освоился.
109
00:06:26,850 --> 00:06:28,781
Чем ему больше понравилось
заниматься?
110
00:06:28,811 --> 00:06:31,980
Рисованием, кубиками,
экономикой предложения?
111
00:06:32,010 --> 00:06:36,384
Вроде ему понравился час
"меняйся и делись".
112
00:06:36,650 --> 00:06:40,180
Меняйся и делись?
Это ещё что?
113
00:06:40,210 --> 00:06:41,549
Одна из дисциплин,
114
00:06:41,579 --> 00:06:43,580
учащая детей, что
делиться – это хорошо.
115
00:06:43,610 --> 00:06:45,210
Они делят всё поровну.
116
00:06:45,250 --> 00:06:47,310
Все игрушки в комнате
принадлежат всей группе
117
00:06:47,350 --> 00:06:49,250
и рассматриваются
как коллективная собственность.
118
00:06:49,280 --> 00:06:53,536
Что это, детский сад
имени Карла Маркса?
119
00:06:55,050 --> 00:06:56,711
Образовательная
программа Харпер
120
00:06:56,741 --> 00:06:59,810
учит детей поддерживать друг
друга и уважать самих себя.
121
00:06:59,850 --> 00:07:03,150
Также у них есть методика для
мотивации стеснительных детей.
122
00:07:03,180 --> 00:07:05,200
Им дают наклейки с надписями:
123
00:07:05,242 --> 00:07:07,875
"Я знаю, как прощаться",
или "Я знаю, как спать",
124
00:07:07,905 --> 00:07:10,250
или "Я знаю, как говорить
предложениями".
125
00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:13,410
Психбольница какая-то,
а не садик.
126
00:07:14,610 --> 00:07:18,780
Детский сад должен готовить
Энди к реальной жизни.
127
00:07:18,810 --> 00:07:21,410
Через пару лет
он выйдет оттуда
128
00:07:21,450 --> 00:07:24,480
в жестокий и беспощадный мир
начальной школы.
129
00:07:24,510 --> 00:07:25,950
Он должен подготовиться.
130
00:07:25,980 --> 00:07:28,550
Закалить характер, отточить
психологические навыки,
131
00:07:28,580 --> 00:07:30,480
повысить
физическую выносливость.
132
00:07:30,510 --> 00:07:34,250
Ты предлагаешь какой-то
военный детсад.
133
00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:37,780
Просто не хочу видеть Энди
через 20 лет на улице
134
00:07:37,810 --> 00:07:42,256
с наклейкой
"Я знаю, как прощаться".
135
00:07:44,810 --> 00:07:49,110
Ну всё, Энди.
Вот твой обед.
136
00:07:49,150 --> 00:07:51,750
А здесь твои раскраски
и карандаши.
137
00:07:51,780 --> 00:07:53,850
Что мы говорим,
когда просят поделиться?
138
00:07:57,310 --> 00:08:00,610
Хороший мальчик.
139
00:08:00,650 --> 00:08:03,050
Так, теперь наклеим это,
140
00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:06,210
и проблем у нас
не должно возникнуть.
141
00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:11,703
«Я знаю, что моё»
142
00:08:11,733 --> 00:08:13,160
Доброе утро, Энди.
143
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:15,330
Доброе утро, миссис Клюгер.
144
00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:18,200
Доброе утро, миссис Клюгер.
Алекс Китон, брат Энди.
145
00:08:18,230 --> 00:08:19,800
Миссис Клюгер, директор сада.
146
00:08:19,830 --> 00:08:22,560
Слушай, Энди,
мне пора на занятия.
147
00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:25,030
Но вечером мы идём гулять:
возьмём мороженого
148
00:08:25,060 --> 00:08:28,760
и я отведу тебя посмотреть,
как работает банкомат.
149
00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:32,400
Хорошо?
Ну-ка, кто тебя любит?
150
00:08:32,430 --> 00:08:34,100
Алекс меня любит.
151
00:08:34,130 --> 00:08:35,460
Правильно.
152
00:08:37,500 --> 00:08:40,800
Скажите, как он справляется?
153
00:08:40,830 --> 00:08:42,230
О, потрясающий ребёнок.
154
00:08:42,260 --> 00:08:45,560
Очень чувствительный
и внимательный к другим детям.
155
00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:49,460
Ничего не могу с этим поделать.
Всё влияние родителей.
156
00:08:50,496 --> 00:08:53,330
Эндрю постоянно говорит
о тебе, Алекс.
157
00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:54,430
Правда?
158
00:08:54,460 --> 00:08:59,290
Он так часто упоминает твоё имя,
как будто кто-то ему за это платит.
159
00:09:05,350 --> 00:09:09,260
Миссис Клюгер, вы не возражаете,
если я здесь немного осмотрюсь?
160
00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:11,830
Будь как дома.
Мы любим гостей.
161
00:09:11,860 --> 00:09:14,260
Абсолютно открыты для всех.
162
00:09:14,300 --> 00:09:15,960
Нечем особо-то гордиться.
163
00:09:17,330 --> 00:09:19,900
- Это, значит, у вас библиотека.
- Да.
164
00:09:19,930 --> 00:09:23,509
Мы делаем акцент на красочные
и интересные книжки.
165
00:09:23,539 --> 00:09:25,400
"Чарлик идёт учиться",
166
00:09:25,430 --> 00:09:28,330
"Снежный день",
"Любопытная корова".
167
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:32,997
Ага, у нас дома такая же.
Настольная книга Мэллори.
168
00:09:34,230 --> 00:09:36,100
Нашей сестры.
169
00:09:36,130 --> 00:09:39,312
У вас ещё и сестра
ходит в садик?
170
00:09:40,030 --> 00:09:44,060
Нет, Мэллори не смогла
поступить в детский сад...
171
00:09:44,100 --> 00:09:47,280
пошла сразу в колледж Гранта.
172
00:09:50,930 --> 00:09:53,030
Здравствуйте, миссис Клюгер.
173
00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:56,500
Здравствуй, Майкл.
Что написано на твоей наклейке?
174
00:09:56,530 --> 00:10:00,530
"Я умею прощаться
со своим папой".
175
00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:04,230
Очень хорошо, милый.
Разве это не замечательно, Алекс?
176
00:10:04,260 --> 00:10:06,100
И что тут замечательного?
177
00:10:06,130 --> 00:10:11,030
Я вот умею прощаться с отцом,
но наклеек же не ношу.
178
00:10:11,060 --> 00:10:14,560
Мы пытаемся мотивировать Майкла.
Он очень застенчивый.
179
00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:16,652
Придать ему чувство
собственного достоинства.
180
00:10:16,682 --> 00:10:19,435
Миссис Клюгер, я только за
воспитание таких чувств.
181
00:10:19,465 --> 00:10:21,900
Но меня беспокоят ваши методы.
182
00:10:21,930 --> 00:10:23,460
И что же ты предлагаешь?
183
00:10:23,500 --> 00:10:27,706
Вы не думали разделить детей
на группы по интересам,
184
00:10:27,738 --> 00:10:30,430
провести тесты на IQ?
185
00:10:30,460 --> 00:10:34,300
Алекс, мы стараемся поддерживать
среду несоперничества.
186
00:10:34,330 --> 00:10:36,530
Как же так, миссис Клюгер.
187
00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:43,430
Добро пожаловать
в реальный мир.
188
00:10:43,460 --> 00:10:46,071
Вы где-нибудь видели
не соперничающих людей?
189
00:10:46,101 --> 00:10:50,360
Которые делятся друг с другом?
Которые спят на матах?
190
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:54,230
Стивен и Элиза Китон
точно твои родители?
191
00:10:54,260 --> 00:10:58,397
Миссис Клюгер, мне пора.
Только попрощаюсь с Энди.
192
00:10:58,427 --> 00:11:00,460
Конечно. Вон он,
играет в "Семью".
193
00:11:00,500 --> 00:11:04,060
Нет. Быть того не может.
Энди не играет в такое.
194
00:11:04,100 --> 00:11:07,230
Ещё как играет.
Видишь, пеленает куклу.
195
00:11:07,260 --> 00:11:10,160
Куклу пеленает?
196
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:11,530
Энди, что ты делаешь?
197
00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:14,360
Пеленаю куколку.
198
00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:15,930
А где твоя жена?
199
00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:18,260
На работе.
200
00:11:25,010 --> 00:11:28,277
Уходим отсюда.
Подальше.
201
00:11:30,820 --> 00:11:34,810
Сегодня я наконец почувствовал
себя настоящим студентом.
202
00:11:34,850 --> 00:11:37,180
Меня не били электрошоком
203
00:11:37,210 --> 00:11:40,410
за бег в обратном направлении
в нашем лабиринте.
204
00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:42,780
Очень интересно, Скиппи.
Но я тут учиться пытаюсь.
205
00:11:42,810 --> 00:11:45,610
Прости, Мэл. Просто так круто
снова быть человеком.
206
00:11:45,650 --> 00:11:48,580
Погоди-ка! Ты подбросил
мне отличную мысль.
207
00:11:48,610 --> 00:11:49,330
Правда?
208
00:11:49,370 --> 00:11:50,750
Нам по философии задали
209
00:11:50,780 --> 00:11:53,450
выбрать кого-то и доказать,
что он существует.
210
00:11:53,488 --> 00:11:54,910
Я могу провести это с тобой.
211
00:11:54,950 --> 00:11:56,780
Ого! Вот это вызов!
212
00:11:56,810 --> 00:12:01,350
И доказав твоё существование,
я точно получу "пятёрку".
213
00:12:01,380 --> 00:12:05,480
И поможешь мне решить спор
с моим дедом.
214
00:12:07,510 --> 00:12:10,463
Так, так, Мэллори.
Что это вы тут расселись?
215
00:12:10,493 --> 00:12:12,167
Нам нужно это место.
216
00:12:12,197 --> 00:12:13,768
Алекс, не прерывай нас сейчас.
217
00:12:13,798 --> 00:12:16,180
Мэллори хочет доказать,
что я существую.
218
00:12:16,210 --> 00:12:20,180
Это будет тяжеловато.
Идите-ка вы на кухню.
219
00:12:20,210 --> 00:12:22,350
Ладно, ладно.
220
00:12:22,380 --> 00:12:23,880
Пара вопросов, Скиппи.
221
00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:27,510
Что отличает тебя
от неодушевлённого предмета?
222
00:12:27,550 --> 00:12:30,197
Мои аллергии?
223
00:12:30,410 --> 00:12:32,240
Алекс, это бред.
224
00:12:32,282 --> 00:12:35,980
Родители заметят,
что Энди не в саду.
225
00:12:36,010 --> 00:12:38,040
Мне не до этого, Джен.
226
00:12:38,070 --> 00:12:40,610
Главное сейчас –
перепрограммировать Энди,
227
00:12:40,650 --> 00:12:43,780
пока он не осознал всю эту
детсадовскую чушь.
228
00:12:43,810 --> 00:12:45,410
И что мне делать?
229
00:12:45,450 --> 00:12:47,883
Сначала поиграем в "Семью".
230
00:12:47,913 --> 00:12:50,410
Я буду папой.
Ты будешь мамой.
231
00:12:50,450 --> 00:12:53,180
Покажем Энди, как функционирует
нормальная семья.
232
00:12:53,210 --> 00:12:54,850
- Ты смотришь, Энди?
- Да, сэр.
233
00:12:56,550 --> 00:12:58,810
Дорогая, я дома!
234
00:12:58,850 --> 00:13:00,410
Привет, дорогой.
235
00:13:01,424 --> 00:13:03,344
Чем ты сегодня занималась,
236
00:13:03,413 --> 00:13:07,950
пока я горбатился на работе,
чтобы содержать тебя?
237
00:13:07,980 --> 00:13:12,341
Я крутила шашни с молочником.
238
00:13:16,410 --> 00:13:19,550
Очень смешно, дорогая.
239
00:13:19,580 --> 00:13:22,350
Значит ли это, что ты
не приготовила ужина своему мужу,
240
00:13:22,380 --> 00:13:24,550
даже зная, что я как раб
пашу в офисе?
241
00:13:24,580 --> 00:13:26,210
Тебе за это платят.
242
00:13:26,250 --> 00:13:29,410
Работа по дому не легче,
но я не получаю за неё ни цента.
243
00:13:29,450 --> 00:13:33,290
- Я хочу развестись!
- Ну всё, Дженнифер.
244
00:13:35,110 --> 00:13:39,050
Не можешь играть нормально,
вообще не играй тогда.
245
00:13:40,580 --> 00:13:41,710
Ничего, Энди.
Она нам не нужна.
246
00:13:43,210 --> 00:13:44,880
- Привет, Алекс.
- Вот он, мой малыш.
247
00:13:44,910 --> 00:13:46,850
Привет, птенчик.
248
00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:49,550
Что это у тебя за наклейка?
249
00:13:49,580 --> 00:13:51,280
Так, пустяки.
250
00:13:51,310 --> 00:13:55,610
"Я умею рассчитывать
постатейные вычеты".
251
00:13:55,650 --> 00:14:00,610
Как-то быстро их там учат.
252
00:14:00,650 --> 00:14:03,280
Мам, пап, присядьте.
253
00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:06,750
Вот-вот произойдёт
что-то ужасное.
254
00:14:06,780 --> 00:14:10,080
Выслушайте меня,
перед тем, как что-то сказать.
255
00:14:10,110 --> 00:14:11,980
Дело ещё хуже,
чем мы думали.
256
00:14:12,010 --> 00:14:14,480
Сегодня Энди бросил
детский сад.
257
00:14:14,510 --> 00:14:16,110
Что?
258
00:14:16,150 --> 00:14:18,550
И скажу вам, этот поступок
достоин восхищения.
259
00:14:20,580 --> 00:14:23,680
Ладно, хорошо.
Энди не бросал сада.
260
00:14:23,710 --> 00:14:25,310
Я его забрал.
261
00:14:25,350 --> 00:14:29,010
Но этот сад был не для него.
Там прививают дурные привычки.
262
00:14:29,050 --> 00:14:31,750
Программа детского сада Харпер
является одной из лучших.
263
00:14:31,780 --> 00:14:34,110
Это гуманистический подход
к заботе о детях,
264
00:14:34,150 --> 00:14:35,816
основанный на любви
к ближнему,
265
00:14:35,846 --> 00:14:37,810
взаимопонимании
и взаимоуважении.
266
00:14:37,850 --> 00:14:41,250
Ты, конечно, можешь
не уважать такие вещи,
267
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:44,480
но другие особи нашего вида
следуют им слепо.
268
00:14:45,310 --> 00:14:48,901
Я звоню миссис Клюгер.
Она не могла принять это всерьёз.
269
00:14:48,931 --> 00:14:50,010
Ладно.
270
00:14:50,050 --> 00:14:54,150
Мне жаль, что всё
так обернулось.
271
00:14:54,180 --> 00:14:57,480
Но вы должны понять.
272
00:14:57,510 --> 00:15:01,580
Я поступил так, потому что
хотел для Энди лучшего.
273
00:15:01,610 --> 00:15:03,750
Я люблю этого ребёнка.
274
00:15:05,408 --> 00:15:07,050
И никогда не наврежу ему.
275
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:11,550
Хорошо, Алекс.
Но и ты тоже пойми.
276
00:15:11,580 --> 00:15:15,110
Мы его родители,
и принимать решение нам.
277
00:15:15,150 --> 00:15:18,980
Верно. Вы правы.
278
00:15:21,150 --> 00:15:25,088
Постойте-ка.
У вас есть Мэллори.
279
00:15:25,621 --> 00:15:27,410
И Дженнифер.
280
00:15:27,450 --> 00:15:31,210
Отрывайтесь на них, как хотите.
Полная свобода действий.
281
00:15:31,250 --> 00:15:33,219
Могу вам даже Скиппи
за компанию подогнать.
282
00:15:33,249 --> 00:15:36,832
Но Эндрю...
Эндрю мой.
283
00:15:39,210 --> 00:15:42,780
Если он подгонит Скиппи...
284
00:15:42,810 --> 00:15:44,010
Стивен!
285
00:15:46,650 --> 00:15:49,380
Доброе утро, Эндрю.
Доброе утро, Алекс.
286
00:15:49,410 --> 00:15:54,250
- Доброе утро, миссис Клюгер.
- Доброе утро, миссис Клюгер.
287
00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:56,250
Рада снова тебя видеть
у нас, Эндрю.
288
00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:58,150
Миссис Кауфман ждёт тебя.
289
00:15:58,180 --> 00:15:59,350
Давай, Энди.
Не тушуйся.
290
00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:05,971
Миссис Клюгер,
извините меня за вчерашнее.
291
00:16:06,001 --> 00:16:07,661
Я перешёл черту.
292
00:16:07,691 --> 00:16:09,810
Вам лучше знать,
как управлять своим садом.
293
00:16:09,850 --> 00:16:13,450
Меня пробивает на эмоции,
когда дело касается Энди.
294
00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:16,950
Не хочешь немного
посмотреть, как он играет?
295
00:16:16,980 --> 00:16:18,991
Увы, не могу. Тороплюсь.
296
00:16:19,021 --> 00:16:21,950
- Но спасибо.
- Ладно. Всего хорошего.
297
00:16:21,980 --> 00:16:25,010
Сегодня нас ждёт
очень интересный день.
298
00:16:25,050 --> 00:16:28,410
Давайте представим, что мы
запускаем небольшой бизнес.
299
00:16:28,450 --> 00:16:31,850
Бизнес?
300
00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:33,610
Что будем продавать?
301
00:16:33,650 --> 00:16:35,710
Черепашек!
302
00:16:35,750 --> 00:16:42,010
Черепашек, тоже мне.
Рынок черепах в упадке с 81-го.
303
00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:46,550
Если мы открываем
черепаший магазин,
304
00:16:46,580 --> 00:16:50,224
надо решить, за сколько
нам продавать черепах.
305
00:16:50,266 --> 00:16:51,780
Как вы думаете?
306
00:16:51,810 --> 00:16:53,950
За так.
307
00:16:53,980 --> 00:16:56,250
Очень мило, Ронда.
308
00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:58,650
Мы ничего не будем брать
за черепашек.
309
00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:01,157
Минуточку.
Это ещё что?
310
00:17:01,189 --> 00:17:04,380
При таком раскладе вы
обанкротитесь к тихому часу.
311
00:17:04,410 --> 00:17:07,840
Я вас попрошу, пожалуйста.
312
00:17:07,898 --> 00:17:11,620
И что же нам нужно
для нашего магазина?
313
00:17:11,660 --> 00:17:13,660
- Черепашки.
- Черепашки!
314
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:16,730
В точку, Энди.
315
00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:19,500
Раз у нас есть черепашки,
нам можно открываться.
316
00:17:19,530 --> 00:17:21,260
Куда же так спешить?
317
00:17:21,300 --> 00:17:23,600
Здесь предстоит решить
ещё очень многое.
318
00:17:23,630 --> 00:17:26,060
Для начала, каких черепах
мы будем продавать?
319
00:17:26,100 --> 00:17:29,000
Как по мне, наш ассортимент
следует разделить так:
320
00:17:29,030 --> 00:17:32,130
- 70% – одноразовые черепахи...
- Одноразовые?
321
00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:35,700
Ну да. Которые умирают, как
только их приносишь домой.
322
00:17:38,150 --> 00:17:43,480
А оставшиеся 30% – большие
такие, морские черепахи.
323
00:17:43,510 --> 00:17:46,050
Супы варить.
324
00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:48,710
Но для этого нам в магазине
нужен управляющий.
325
00:17:48,750 --> 00:17:50,650
Кто хочет быть управляющим?
326
00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:54,650
Вижу, Эндрю Китон поднял руку.
Инициатива похвальна.
327
00:17:56,410 --> 00:17:58,780
Сделаем лучше.
Нам нужны соуправляющие.
328
00:17:58,810 --> 00:18:01,750
Майкл, давайте вы с Энди вдвоём
будете управлять магазином?
329
00:18:01,780 --> 00:18:03,850
Вот и отлично.
330
00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:06,180
Теперь нам нужна
рекламная компания.
331
00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:09,141
Ронда, тебе знакома
работа фотомодели?
332
00:18:11,110 --> 00:18:15,280
Да,
и у меня есть собака.
333
00:18:15,310 --> 00:18:19,110
Будем держаться
нашего бизнеса, Ронда.
334
00:18:19,150 --> 00:18:24,050
Так, нам понадобится
фотография тебя с черепахой
335
00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:26,880
и плакат...
Что мы на нём напишем?..
336
00:18:26,910 --> 00:18:28,580
"Приветствуем вас
на нашем открытии.
337
00:18:28,610 --> 00:18:31,110
Выползайте из своих панцирей".
338
00:18:31,150 --> 00:18:32,850
Хорошо.
Нам нужен плакат.
339
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:34,580
Кто хочет его нарисовать?
340
00:18:34,610 --> 00:18:36,384
Прошу прощения,
но <i>я</i> здесь работаю.
341
00:18:36,414 --> 00:18:39,580
Прекрасно.
Принесите нам красок.
342
00:18:39,610 --> 00:18:44,310
И ещё... разноцветной
бумаги захватите.
343
00:18:44,350 --> 00:18:46,765
Так. Теперь нам понадобится
бухгалтер,
344
00:18:46,795 --> 00:18:49,180
чтобы уклониться
от уплаты налогов.
345
00:18:49,210 --> 00:18:51,210
Что такое налоги?
346
00:18:51,250 --> 00:18:56,110
Налог – это такой ужасный...
волосатый...
347
00:18:56,150 --> 00:19:01,950
демократический монстр...
с огромными зубами.
348
00:19:04,950 --> 00:19:06,210
И единственное...
349
00:19:06,250 --> 00:19:09,685
Единственное, что может остановить
ужасного налогового монстра, –
350
00:19:09,722 --> 00:19:12,720
это республиканцы.
351
00:19:17,150 --> 00:19:20,310
Кто хочет быть
республиканцем?
352
00:19:23,710 --> 00:19:26,693
- Что это ты, Стивен?
- Всё очень просто, Элиза.
353
00:19:26,730 --> 00:19:28,680
"Снова-в-школьный" завтрак
не сработал,
354
00:19:28,710 --> 00:19:31,450
сменим передачу и попробуем
"снова-в-школьный" ужин.
355
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:35,080
Дети неделю уже учатся.
356
00:19:35,110 --> 00:19:37,050
У них было время
нагулять аппетит.
357
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,280
До скорого.
358
00:19:39,310 --> 00:19:41,950
Хорошо.
Куда это ты?
359
00:19:41,980 --> 00:19:44,221
Поужинаю у Крисси.
360
00:19:44,251 --> 00:19:46,410
Вы разрешили мне
на прошлой неделе.
361
00:19:46,450 --> 00:19:49,610
Дженнифер, тебе завтра в школу.
Ты про уроки не забыла?
362
00:19:49,650 --> 00:19:50,880
Я всё сделала.
363
00:19:50,910 --> 00:19:53,310
И у меня 98 баллов
на первом тесте.
364
00:19:53,350 --> 00:19:55,910
Было бы 100,
ответь я, что Рангун,
365
00:19:55,950 --> 00:19:58,050
а не Мандалай, –
это столица Бирмы.
366
00:19:58,080 --> 00:20:01,510
И ты думаешь, мы
закроем на это глаза?
367
00:20:03,580 --> 00:20:04,850
Привет.
368
00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:06,310
Мэл, Скип.
369
00:20:06,350 --> 00:20:08,624
Мэллори, ты не виновата.
Ты старалась, как могла.
370
00:20:08,656 --> 00:20:11,150
Спасибо, Скиппи.
Ничего, не бери в голову.
371
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,090
Что случилось?
372
00:20:12,140 --> 00:20:14,080
Я схлопотала пару
по философии.
373
00:20:14,110 --> 00:20:17,580
Не смогла доказать
существование Скиппи.
374
00:20:17,610 --> 00:20:21,410
Наверное, мне лучше вернуться
в лабораторию к другим крысам.
375
00:20:21,450 --> 00:20:24,016
Там хоть меня приняли за своего.
376
00:20:29,750 --> 00:20:31,080
Удачи.
377
00:20:32,150 --> 00:20:37,010
Надеюсь, Мэл, ты хочешь есть.
У нас намечен шикарный ужин.
378
00:20:37,050 --> 00:20:39,480
Не могу, пап.
Мы с Ником идём на выставку.
379
00:20:39,510 --> 00:20:40,750
Начало через полчаса.
380
00:20:40,780 --> 00:20:42,350
До скорого.
381
00:20:46,550 --> 00:20:50,250
Вот и снова всё
повторяется, Элиза.
382
00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:55,029
Ты, я и целая гора еды.
383
00:20:55,510 --> 00:20:56,580
Привет.
384
00:20:56,610 --> 00:20:58,550
- Привет, Алекс.
- Привет, мой малыш.
385
00:20:58,580 --> 00:20:59,980
Энди.
386
00:21:00,010 --> 00:21:01,180
Как твои занятия?
387
00:21:01,210 --> 00:21:05,050
Не знаю. Я заколол.
Весь день провёл с Энди в саду.
388
00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:06,680
А что? Что-то случилось?
389
00:21:06,710 --> 00:21:08,750
Он ведь всё ещё
в списке учащихся?
390
00:21:08,780 --> 00:21:10,110
Да, всё в порядке.
391
00:21:10,150 --> 00:21:12,450
Ему даже выдали
табель успеваемости.
392
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,680
"Не ладит с другими детьми.
393
00:21:14,710 --> 00:21:18,210
Каждое занятие норовит
провести по-своему".
394
00:21:18,250 --> 00:21:21,093
Нет, это мне написали.
395
00:21:25,850 --> 00:21:28,850
Этот вот Энди.
396
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:31,450
Да, действительно.
"Энди очаровательный мальчик,
397
00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:33,210
отлично ладит
с другими детьми.
398
00:21:33,250 --> 00:21:36,019
Его пребывание в группе
доставляет одно удовольствие".
399
00:21:36,049 --> 00:21:37,500
Молодчина, Энди.
400
00:21:37,550 --> 00:21:41,880
Возможно, я был не прав
по поводу этого детсада.
401
00:21:41,910 --> 00:21:45,010
Кое-что они, конечно, делают
не так, как сделал бы я,
402
00:21:45,050 --> 00:21:48,780
но в целом, там много
любви и заботы.
403
00:21:48,810 --> 00:21:53,110
С должным надзором и
приглашёнными лекторами
404
00:21:53,150 --> 00:21:55,350
эти дети могут много достичь.
405
00:21:55,380 --> 00:21:56,880
Приглашёнными лекторами?
406
00:21:56,910 --> 00:22:00,550
Я буду читать там лекции
раз в неделю.
407
00:22:00,580 --> 00:22:04,580
Да, кстати, ты ведь
ужинаешь сегодня дома?
408
00:22:04,610 --> 00:22:05,710
Такое дело, пап.
409
00:22:05,750 --> 00:22:07,810
Мы с Энди собирались
поужинать вдвоём.
410
00:22:07,850 --> 00:22:10,750
Что-то вроде "братского ужина".
Вы ведь не против?
411
00:22:12,074 --> 00:22:14,177
Да, порядок. Полнейший.
412
00:22:14,207 --> 00:22:18,250
Уберу всё это
в "снова-в-школьную" морозилку.
413
00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:20,110
Я это съем.
414
00:22:20,150 --> 00:22:24,050
15 гамбургеров, лазанью
и каре ягнёнка?
415
00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:27,350
Не за один присест, конечно.
416
00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:31,680
Энди.
417
00:22:31,710 --> 00:22:34,980
Извини, что испортил
твою первую неделю в саду.
418
00:22:35,010 --> 00:22:37,950
Ты ведь мой
единственный братик.
419
00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:41,250
Я малость перегибаю,
когда дело касается тебя,
420
00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:45,650
ведь я знаю, что тебя
ждёт большое будущее.
421
00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:47,650
Как и Дженнифер
ждёт большое будущее.
422
00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:50,750
как и меня тоже.
423
00:22:50,780 --> 00:22:54,950
Как и Мэллори суждено
сидеть на шее у государства.
424
00:22:56,650 --> 00:22:58,650
Но ты иди своей дорогой.
425
00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:00,735
Я не буду слишком
на тебя давить.
426
00:23:00,765 --> 00:23:03,550
Если нужен будет совет,
смело обращайся.
427
00:23:03,580 --> 00:23:07,510
Да что угодно – иди к своему
старшему брату. Хорошо?
428
00:23:08,810 --> 00:23:11,146
Не проси только
отдубасить кого-то,
429
00:23:11,178 --> 00:23:12,750
когда пройдёшь
пятилетний рубеж.
430
00:23:12,780 --> 00:23:15,950
Алекс меня любит.
431
00:23:17,088 --> 00:23:19,093
Ещё как.
432
00:23:19,125 --> 00:23:20,950
Ну что, съездим
съедим по бургеру?
433
00:23:21,792 --> 00:23:25,840
Да, Энди... Ты за рулём.
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